Friday, June 14, 2013

Toy Story (1995)

This movie came out when I was 10 years old, and it is by far one of the most terrifying movies I have ever seen. If anyone ever wants to watch it I'm like

What makes it so scary?

The dolls, man, the dolls. Dolls are inherently scary as fuck. They look like people, with human-like features, but have cold marble eyes.  There is no soul behind their eyes. There is nothing. They want to fool us by looking at us with their soulless eyes, beckoning us to pick them up. But I know better!

So these genius writers at Pixar come up with this twisted idea that once we leave the room, these dolls come to life! What kind of sick mind thinks this up? So once a child leaves their room, the toys come to life.  Do they always have awareness, or how are they able to stay so still when a child plays with them? My daughter is 2 1/2 and is fairly rough on her toys. So they are fully aware of when she's in the room, and when she's not. When she's in the room, the toys all lay there, with their cold features waiting for her human touch, yearning for the warm touch they themselves will never have. They glare at her with lifeless eyes, always watching, always judging, even as she sleeps.


So the main characters are Woody, a cowboy doll, and Buzz, a spaceman, who have some kind of male pride rivalry going on, but I really don't care. I kept hoping they would be destroyed so I'd be rid of them. But they don't get destroyed. The worst part of the film is when they wind up in a house of toy mutant horrors. This is by far the most nightmare inducing part.

Woody and Buzz take control of the weaker minded mutant toys and incite them to revolt against their human child master, who has done nothing wrong except be creative. I often have to take apart old machines to find parts for new ones. Machines and toys do not have feelings. Now I know Pixar's just trying to scare me. The worst part when I first watched it is when the boy, Sid, picks up Woody and its head starts spinning around like in The Exorcist! Oh my I just cannot handle this.

This movie traumatized me when I first saw it as a child and had nightmares for years to come. Fuck everything about this movie. I'm giving it a 3/10.


  1. Well this movie didn't traumatize me, but we all have those things that just scare the bejesus out of us.

    That gif you have at the beginning of the post is awesome. I'm totally snagging it for future use.

    1. Thanks. The gif is Tracy Morgan in Cop Out. It's a perfect "no" gif.