Stagecoach (1939)

Today's film is Stagecoach.  It's supposed to be one of the first decent Westerns.  There have been a lot of Westerns before and after this movie, and honestly most of them aren't that good.

I actually saw this as more of a road trip movie rather than a Western.  Obviously the setting is in the Wild West and there are cowboys and Indians.  But really, this could have taken place anywhere.  Basically, this random group of people are traveling from one town to another and are taking a stagecoach to get there.  There's two ladies, one of whom has a baby during the voyage, a bunch of guys, and John Wayne is there too.  They are being escorted by soldiers through Apache territory, but for part of the voyage they are on their own.

I think this movie is different from most Westerns because it mainly focuses on the interactions between the travelers.   There is a lot of good acting going on, and there aren't too many of the stereotypes we see in all Westerns.

However, one of the last scenes is them being chased by weapon-wielding Apaches, which adds a lot of excitement to the film.  Most of my in-laws are from the Apache tribe and still live out west,  so it's nice to see my husband's family represented in film.  Oh, wait, they're the bad guys in the film, never mind.  My husband still isn't going to watch it since he's very anti black and white film.  But I would like to know his opinion.

After they, for the most part, safely arrive in town, the focus shifts to John Wayne's character.  The people who had him captured for reward reasons let him get his vengeance and then let him escape with his fiancee.  Oh, so he's all of a sudden a good guy now?  All that effort to keep him and now he's just going to leave? Like that?  Come on. For real yall.  This movie wasn't that bad, so I will give it a 7/10.

Olympia 1. Teil - Fest der Völker (1938)

So the Olympics are going on right now, and I'm not watching them but I am reading a bit about what happens.  I don't think Brazil should have gotten the Olympics, they have a lot of problems there.  So I thought I would do the next best thing and watch a documentary about the Olympics.

However, the movie was made by Nazis.  I don't want to watch the Olympics in Brazil, but I don't want to watch a Nazi documentary.  So we may as well talk about a documentary about the Olympics made by Nazis.  Now no one is happy.  But, it's one of those films on the list we just have to get through.  And we will do our best.

Today's film is Olympia part 1. Teil - Fest der Völker.  The first five minutes is nothing but smoke and statues of Greeks, showing the perfection of the naked body.  Then, it finally transforms into living people.  They're men who are for the most part naked participating in the ancient games.  You can really tell a woman wrote and directed this because opening with this many men is pretty excellent.  There are mostly naked women present in the film as well, but I'm not really paying attention to that.

Then, we see the running of the Olympic torch, something we have seen a lot throughout the years.  The running of the torch was actually invented for the 1936 Olympics in Berlin and still continues to this day.  Next comes the Opening Ceremony, where each country marches in with their flag.  Some nations raise the arms in a Nazi Salute in support of Germany, and some do not.

The majority of the film is pretty dry, very similar to watching the Olympics on tv today.  However in 1936 they didn't have tv so watching this must have been pretty exciting for them.  The announcers provided excellent commentary, unlike the NBC announcers we have here.  They are just awful.  We do get to see a lot of action from Jesse Owens, the fastest man in the world at the time.

If you'd like to see how the Olympics were performed a long time ago, this film would be ideal for you.  I enjoyed the historical aspects of it and will give this film a 7/10.  

Le Million (1931)

Today's film is Le Million,  which I believe is French for The Million.  I did not expect it to be a musical!

 The main character is a starving artist type who owes money to a lot of people.  His money troubles are over now that he's won the lottery.  Everyone sings "Millionaire"!  How he probably won't be a millionaire once he's paid everyone off!

Luckily he has put his lotto ticket in a safe space, such as a locked box or drawer.  No, wait, he is a man; he just stuck it in his jacket pocket and left that at his girlfriend's apartment.  She gives it to a fugitive to help him out.  His friend and/or possibly roommate also knows about the jacket, and some friend he is because now he's after it for himself!

 Everyone goes on a wild goose chase to retrieve the jacket, but we all know he's going to get the ticket back.  It is actually the fugitive from the beginning that helps them out the most. I will give this film a 7/10.

Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933)

Today's film is Gold Diggers of 1933.  It is about people trying to put on a Broadway show in the middle of the Great Depression, so it will conveniently be a musical.  Actually the songs are recognizable even if you haven't seen the film yet.  This film is funny and full of dirty/risque jokes.

A group of showgirls, Polly, Carol, and Trixie, live together and are excited that a new show will soon be put on.  However, there isn't any money invested yet.  Luckily, the handsome piano player next door, Brad, offers his services as a musician/songwriter and a small payment.  He doesn't write a check, but instead shows up later to offer $15000 cash.  That's a lot of money!  He is being super secretive so it's easy to be suspicious of him.

At first, Trixie suspects he is a bank robber, but the truth is worse - he's from a conservative rich family.  His older brother and the family lawyer waste no time in traveling to his house to tell him exactly what they think of cheap scandalous showgirls.  The showgirls are quite insulted and decide to give them a run for their money.  So, they prove they are not gold diggers by...being gold diggers??

 Everything seems to end up well, seeing as how every character gets married.  Also it shows you shouldn't judge people before you know them.  Also, the song "Gold Digger" was written by Kanye West, and he later married one.  Go figure.

The last scenes actually show bits of the musical they're performing.  They have a violin number which seems especially "electric".  The last number actually alludes to the depression and refers to the plight of homeless veterans.  Well, I am so glad we don't have that problem anymore.  This film was made 83 years ago, you'd think people would have come up with a solution by now.  I will give this film a 9/10.

Zemlya (Earth) (1930)

The last film of the month is Zemlya.  This was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish.  

The poor farmers are tired of having nothing while the rich farmers have everything, including fancy tractors.  It starts off with a grandfather dying, and we know this because he actually says I'm dying.  The young Vasyl talks of the greatness of collectivism, everyone working and sharing together.

They get a tractor to share amongst the farmers, but the radiator dries up and they pee in it???  Then it's ok because I guess ammonia is good for tractors and they carry on.   Vasyl is happy and dancing, but then a bad guy kills him!!       D:

Vasyl's dad is upset at his death and asks everyone to sing songs of new life and beginnings, instead of hymns.  Everyone turns away from the church and goes towards atheism.  Which made sense because priests had a lot of power and the churches are ornate while the people live in poverty.  Everyone gathers to remember Vasyl while the rain nourishes the plants.  

There is some opposition to the idea of collectivism, but they are largely ignored by the rest of the people.  The film is a positive ideal of what communism could possibly be, but never became.  I will give it a 6/10.  

Wuthering Heights (1939)

Today's film is  Wuthering Heights. It's a romantic drama about the impossibility of true love and how it tears two people apart.  It was filmed in California, and they planted thousands of heather flowers in a field so it would look like England.
 The story is about Cathy, who grew up in a huge house named Wuthering Heights.  Her father brings home an abandoned gypsy boy named Heathcliff to live with them.  Cathy's brother wastes no time telling him what he thinks of him, and they will never be equals.  When their father dies, he won't even allow him to mourn with the rest of the family and turns him out to be a stableboy.
 
It may have been filmed in California,  but it is a very British film.  it focuses on themes of class and love.  Cathy has loved Heathcliff her whole life, but eventually rejects him because he's "beneath" her.  Money and stability are more important than love, so she marries a rich neighbor.  Heathcliff leaves for America and comes back a rich man.  First thing he does is buy Wuthering Heights!  He lets his "brother" live there with him, who can't afford to stay anywhere else now that he's wasted all the time.

Heathcliff may be back, but Cathy's not going to leave her husband for an old flame.  Heathcliff still loves her, and starts dating her sister in law in order to get close to her.  He ends up marrying her sister in law. But he will never love her the same way that he loves Cathy.   Then, Cathy gets sick and dies.  The movie ends with Heathcliff, who is still married by the way, walking outside of Wuthering Heights with the ghost of Cathy.  So I guess they kind of ended up toghter.  I will give this film a 6/10.

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Today's film is All Quiet on the Western Front.  What? Two war films in a row?  Well, yesterday's film was from the French point of view, and today's film is from the German point of view.

The movie focuses on a class of high school boys, who are egged on by their teacher to join the war effort as soldiers to defend the Fatherland, Germany.  The boys all join and look forward to being soldiers.  One of their leaders also happened to be their mailman so no one takes him seriously.

Then, we get into the actual warfare, and the boys realize that with all the talk about how great it is to defend the Fatherland, no one said it was terrifying and filled with explosions.  People are losing limbs left and right, and other people get blown to pieces right before their eyes.  None of this was done for just shock value, it's meant to show us that this is what really happens during war.  The film gives us time to get to the know each of the soldiers, so it's really sad to see each one of them die.

There's also a discussion of how WWI got started in the first place.  I always get surprised when I see a motorcycle or truck in these films, but I have to remind myself that this was between 1914 and 1918, not the 19th century.  But I think I know the reason why.  I live in the South, and history here is taught war-by-war.  We spend a great deal of time learning about the Civil War, and then immediately jump into WWI next.  Civil War ended in 1865 and WWI started in 1914.  That's 49 years!  What happened in between those years? I don't know!  They don't even discuss how it happened, they just mention a quick blurb about it before jumping into WWII, which was started in 1939, which again is 25 years we miss.  Man, schools are shit.  I do know that Archduke Franz Ferdinand was murdered after dropping his album "You could have it so much better" and this made all the countries in Europe mad and they started shooting each other.  Now we have WWI.

The German soldiers in the movie also question why they were sent to destroy the French and English.  One of them says it's because one country insults another.  Also, the manufacturers get rich, and every good emperor needs at least one war.  One soldier, named Albert, says "I think it's more a kind of fever. Nobody wants it in particular, and then all at once, there it is. We didn't want it. The English didn't want it. And here we are fighting".

One thing to note that even though these are German soldiers, they speak English were generic (non-regional) American accents.  This is done so the audience can emphasize with the characters.  Germany was seen as our enemy back then, but they're not the "bad guys".  Even the French soldiers aren't the bad guys. One of the high school boys kills a Frenchmen while stuck in a hole and feels so bad about it afterwards (even though the dead guy totally blinks).

One of the boys, Paul, goes back to the high school while on leave, and the same teacher tells him to encourage the new, younger class to fight too.  Paul realizes that he can't say anything positive or heroic about being there, so he wants to go back to his friends.  Everybody ends up dying.  Imperial Germany lost over 2 million people in real life.  This is a great anti-war film because it shows an honest look at the brutality of warfare and wonders what the point of all the violence is.  I will give it a 9/10.

Little Caesar (1931)

Today's film is Little Caesar.  The dialog is so weird and the slang is hard to figure out, but turning on the closed captioning makes it a lot better.  I don't know if they really talked like that or if that is a gangster film thing,  but it was one of the first films with talking so I'm going to cut them a break.

The character Little Caesar, or Rico, or more precisely Caesar Enrico Bandello, was played by Edwin Robinson.  I'm not going to say he was ugly, he just wasn't very handsome, and that makes him more believable.  He makes money by robbing gas stations, then goes to the city and offers a mob boss his services.

You know how hard it was to find a picture of Little Caesar
that wasn't pizza? I'm serious.

Soon, he takes control and robs and shoots people with abandon.  He even shoots the crime commissioner.  His best friend leaves the mob world and becomes a dancer, and guess what? He shoots him too!  He even has his getaway driver killed on the steps of a church so he can't confess.

Soon, the police come after him and he almost gets away.  However they put some insulting things about him in the newspaper, knowing his ego would make him come out of hiding.  When he does, they finally kill him.  I guess the lesson here is don't be a gangster.  It's not as great as Scarface, but it's pretty good for what it is.  I'll give it a 5/10.

Short Reviews of Short Films

Der Firmling (1934)

A father takes his son out to celebrate his confirmation and gets piss-ass drunk.  If you like drunken buffoons and Three Stooges-like antics, you'll like this one. 7/10

The Gunfighter (2014)

An unknown gunfighter enters a Western saloon while being narrated by Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec).  However, everyone in the saloon can hear the narrator.  As the narrator reveals everyone's inner thoughts and desires, they begin to turn on each other.

This short was filmed on the set of Deadwood so everything looks authentic. This short is absolutely worth watching. 9/10.

La jetée (The Pier) (1962)

A time travel short that is shown through  a series of photos rather than video.  A French prisoner uses a childhood memory to travel back in time (in order to save the present) but is unaware that he is the cause of the memory in the first place.  This film is the inspiration for Twelve Monkeys.  9/10

Méditerranée (1963)

A documentary featuring the beauty of the Mediterranean countries, but focuses more on the morbid aspects.of everything.  Too many bullfighting scenes.  Not a first date film.  6/10.

Captains Courageous (1937)

Today’s film was enjoyed by both my daughter and I together.  It is an old film, but still can be enjoyed by kids today. Today’s film is Captains Courageous.

So, our main character is Harvey, who is a spoiled brat.  His father is a business tycoon, who is very busy doing business all the time.  He shows his love to his son with gifts and money, not by spending time with him.  Harvey is the worst kind of child, who already at his age is using his wealth to get his way and also to be mean to other children.

Since Harvey was suspended from school for his behavior, his dad decides it's time for them to spend more time together.  He takes him on a boat trip to his next business trip.  While on the boat, Harvey falls overboard and is picked up by a fishing vessel.

Harvey soon learns that his money means nothing to these fishermen.  He has to wait a few weeks before going to shore because they're not going to give up on their fishing season.  Nobody coddles him and no one puts up with his whining.  The fisherman who watches over him the most is Manuel.  The only problem I had was having a hard time understanding Manuel, and yes, I speak Portuguese.  I just couldn't place his accent anywhere.  I looked it up, and apparently, Spencer Tracy based it on a Yiddish accent he used this one time in a theater performance.  So, just so you know, Yiddish=Portuguese obviously.

Harvey bonds with his new father figure, Manuel, who spent more time and attention on him than his real dad ever did.  Unfortunately, Manuel dies accidentally before they reach the shore.  At the shore, Harvey is reunited with his father, who is surprised at how mature he's become.  Well no shit, somebody actually parented him during that time.  Moral of the story: Spending time with kids is more important than spending money.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Vampyr (1932)

Today's film is Vampyr.  Yes, it is another vampire film.  Yes, I am totally over watching all these vampire films.  Our hero, Allan, is interested in vampires and other supernatural things.  His travels take him to the countryside.  While staying the night in an inn, a random strange man unlocks his door, leaves a package for him, and leaves.  I would be so freaked out if a stranger came in my room like that.

The package says "To be opened upon my death".  Well that's creepy.  Meanwhile, Allan walks around the inn and sees many strange things.  A shadow climbs up a ladder, but there is no actual person climbing the ladder! There is other shadow work that is well done for the time.

Throughout the film, we see a large old woman, and a doctor that looks like Einstein, so I'm calling him Dr. Einstein.  Later, Allan sees someone shoot the strange man, and runs to help him.  Unfortunately, it's too late.  The strange man had two daughters, and one is mysterious ill and anemic.  We know it's the work of a vampire.

Allan opens his package, since the strange man is now dead.  It's a book explaining the vampire legend and how to kill them.  So, Allan and the house servants set out to complete the task.  Only when the vampire are killed can the daughter be freed.

The only thing I didn't like was all the reading.  It was almost like a silent film with all the title cards and writing.  Otherwise it was okay.  I will give this film a 6/10.

King Kong (1933)

Today's film is King Kong.  I watched the new one directed by Peter Jackson first, and I really liked that, so I wanted to see the original.  The part of King Kong shall be represented by pictures of Rob Ryan, because I can.

So, we have our director, Denham, who is famous for making dangerous adventure films in the jungle.  His latest film expedition will take him to a remote island, where he is sure he will see something amazing.  The only problems is that the critics pan his films because there’s no romance in them.  So now he has to find a girl brave enough to come on expedition with him.  Most actresses’ agents won’t even let them audition for him. 

Denham finds a starving artist/actress while walking the streets of New York at night.  Her name is Anne and she agrees to go with him.  One of the sailors is mad because supposedly having a woman on board is bad luck (but sailors think everything is bad luck anyway) but we can tell he is totally crushing on her.

They get to the remote island, called Skull Island, in time to witness some kind of ceremony.  The chief and medicine man spot Anne and offer to trade six of their native women for her.  They say something about a bride for Kong, but at this point we don’t even know what a kong is. 

Late at night, the native sneak on the boat and kidnap Anne!  The men on the boat go to rescue her, but she is already in the clutches of King Kong.  King Kong is a giant gorilla that has taken an instant shine to Anne, because she is so beautiful.  

I wonder what happened to all the other girls that were supposed to be his brides.  King Kong, and the men who follow him, are attacked by all sorts of dinosaurs.  Everything is done in stop-motion, like the dinosaurs in Land of the Lost.  When the men encounter the dinosaurs, they instantly start shooting at it.  It's like, Oh look a majestic creature no one's seen in millions of years - let's throw gas bombs at it!

Now, hang on, I've seen enough episodes of Dinosaur Train to know that sauropods don't eat people.  Also, they need their own car because they are so big.  I had hoped they would only throw a gas bomb to knock them out, but they also shoot the dinosaurs to death, so if all the dinosaurs in the world weren't extinct then, they certainly are now.

King Kong defends his lady against the dinosaurs that attack him, as well as the men he perceives as a threat.  He very easily disposes of the humans, and wrestles the various dinosaurs to death.  I think that King Kong was the most powerful creature on the island, and as long as the natives left him alone and did whatever ceremonies they do, he protected them from the dinosaurs as well.  After he defeats a creature, he beats his chest and makes his triumphant cry:

Denham, and the remaining surviving crew gas-bomb and capture King Kong, as Denham intends on bringing it back to the mainland as an attraction.  Sort of like a giant sideshow.

Lots of questions arise for the transporting of King Kong.   Where did they keep him?  In the beginning, they mentioned have too many men, and yes some of them died, but where are they housing everyone on this boat, and now there’s a 50 ft gorilla?  Or is he an ape?  What’s the difference? 

So even though we’re not sure how he got there, he ends up in New York City, where Denham plans to display him for $10 a ticket.  Man I don’t have $10 for a ticket now, that must have been a million dollars back then.  Then, King Kong totally escapes and starts rampaging the city.  Even though New York has the biggest cop force in the world, they must not have shown up today and King Kong manages to kidnap Anne again and climb up the Empire State Building.

As King Kong rampages the city (also earlier in the jungle), we see he likes to pick up people and put them in his mouth.  He doesn't eat them, but they die anyway.  Now we know what happened to his other brides.  As he climbs the Empire State Building with Anne, the police send out airplanes to shoot him down.  Even long before I watched the movie, I already knew how it ends, mainly because the image of King Kong swatting at the airplanes while high atop a skyscraper is so famous.  Here's what King Kong would have looked like when he saw the "weird birds" (cause he doesn't know what planes are) surrounding him and knowing there was no escape:

So, that's the end of King Kong. This movie has been re-released and remade since the 1950s.  So I'm sure we will see more installments.  I will give this film a 7/10.  Now, normally I don't post pictures of my family, but here we are at the King Kong ride at Universal Studios in the 1980s.  I'm the one in the pink:

Footlight Parade (1933)

Today's film is Footlight Parade.  The first part of this film is completely forgettable.  The only reason this film might be worth seeing is for the final three numbers, in which we actually get to see the musical prologues.  However, to me they didn't work.  In the "Waterfalls" number, how did fit an entire waterfall into a theater??  Then they had an entire pool!  In the last number,  the actors held a sign above their heads, which, if looked above, showed a picture of the flag and then the president.  This is for a movie theater audience, right?  How are they supposed to see that?  It wasn't worth it to me to watch this film, and I have no reason or desire to ever watch it again.  I will give it a 4/10.

Queen Christina (1933)

Today's film is Queen Christina.  We really liked it.  It's not entirely  historically accurate, but it is a good story and is romantic.

Christina's father was the King of Sweden, who was caught up in the constant warring of the day.  He died when she was 6, and she was crowned as an adorable little Queen.  She was given the best education possible, and constantly read to learn more and more.  In real life, she was told to back off studying for a bit because she was wearing herself out.

She grew up to her 20s as a tough, tomboyish queen, always dressing as a man when she went out riding or hunting.  At this age, she was expected to marry, but she wasn't ready for it yet.  Every one wanted her to marry her cousin, Karl, but she was like, yeah no.  Another problem is Magnus, who is in love with her and is a jealous person.

While she was out riding, she comes across the visiting Spanish envoy, whose carriage is stuck in the snow.  She laughs, which is interesting because I thought the tagline for Ninotchka was "Garbo Laughs".  She laughs in this too, apparently, and this movie came first.  Those Spanish people.  Always getting stuck in snow.  She later meets him in a tavern, and with him still believing she's a boy, hangs out for awhile.

How can Antonio believe Christina is a boy if she's obviously wearing lipstick?  Well, she's not.  This is what I think is called, "suspending your disbelief".  Christina lived a long time ago and was a tomboy, so she wouldn't have worn lipstick.  Greta Garbo is wearing lipstick as an actress.  So, Antonio can't see it, but we can.

So, convienently, the only room left is her room, so they have to share.

He asks her, "Aren't you going to get undressed?"  It's in that second that she realizes she has never undressed herself before and isn't sure what to do.  As a queen, she has always had her servant dress/undress her.  So she clumsily fumbles around her clothes and they clatter to the floor.  Finally, Antonio realizes she is a woman.  So they get it on for five days.  As the snow clears, she leaves but promises him that she will see him again.

When Antonio arrives at the castle, he discovers that Christina is the Queen.  Of course Magnus is like totally jealous and turns the peasants to riot against her.  Christina's like "fuck this I'm out" and leaves the throne to travel to Spain with Antonio.  However, Magnus kills him before they leave.  So it's a sad ending, but hopefully Christina will have a better future.  This movie was enjoyable and great.  I will give it a 9/10.  

The Awful Truth (1937)

Hi, I'm back from the hospital with what should hopefully be one of my last surgeries.  I've been relaxing at home for a while now.  However, one of my stitches popped and now I know what death feels like. One the plus side, I taught Azalea how to say "nipple" which is hilarious, because she keeps poking her dad in the chest and saying it, which irritates him to no end.

Today's film is The Awful Truth, a romantic comedy starring Cary Grant.  You already know my opinion on Cary Grant, which is not much.  So let's talk about the film.

Grant plays Jerry, who is married to Lucy, played by Irene Dunn.  After an argument, they decide to divorce.  However, they try to sabotage each other's new relationships and then realize that they do want to stay married after all.  The best way to a happy marriage is to find someone as weird as you are.

I understand that Jerry wants to get back with his ex, but he does it all wrong.  He keeps going to her apartment on the pretense of seeing his dog, who by the way is the same dog from The Thin Man,  but we all know he's going to see her.  If I were divorced, the first thing I would do is change the locks.  And he's there at all hours! Without knocking, just appears out of nowhere because he's "making a drink".  Then when the country boy is flirting with Lucy, he hides behind the door and tickles her to distract her.  Think about that for a minute and realize that that's actually pretty creepy.  He's there all the time.  Lucy never knows when he'll appear again.  Behind a door?  In her room?  Fixing himself a drink?  He could be hiding in the closet right now, watching her through the slats in the door.  

Let's talk about Irene Dunn.  It didn't feel to me like she was acting.  It just felt like she was imitating Katherine Hepburn.  Anyone can do an impression of someone (good or bad).  But, her performance didn't seem genuine.  She could have been legitimately funny if she was just being herself.  But, she was imitating Hepburn's tone, inflection, laugh, poise, everything.  I like Katharine Hepburn, but if I wanted to see her, then I want to see her, not someone imitating her.

Anyway, they get remarried as expected.  This is like the third movie I've seen where Cary Grant's character is divorced and trying to win his wife back.  How many times can they redo this story?  I'm giving this a solid 5/10.

À nous la liberté (Liberty for Us) (1931)

Today's film is À nous la liberté (Liberty for Us).  We didn't expect it to be a musical!  After watching this, I read it influenced Modern Times.  Some say that it was even plagiarized.  But I don't believe that because I saw Modern Times first, and I didn't even think of it once while watching this film.  I mean, they both take place in factories.  Whatever.

In the beginning, we meet Emile and Louis, who are working in an assembly line in a prison.  We don't know why they are there and we don't care.  They plan a daring escape, but only Louis makes it out.  I quickly noticed that Louis is a thief and is very cunning.  Over time, he builds a phonograph empire and has his own factory.

The factory's assembly line is exactly like the prison's.  It shows that working in a mundane environment is like being trapped in a prison.  Anyone who does not work on the assembly line is a rich fat cat that is greedy and doesn't do anything.

Later, Louis escapes and falls in love with a girl who works in the factory.  Eventurally, he meets up with Emile and is treated like a king. The girl's uncle is all for Louis marrying her (because now he has money), but she is already in love with another guy.

The romantic subplot doesn't go very far, because other men have realized that Emile is actually a runaway prisoner and want to blackmail him.  Emile is about to open a brand new plant, and they want a part of it.  Emile announces that his new plant is fully automated, and that he is giving it to all his workers.  The workers now spend their time relaxing, while Emile and Louis escape to a simple life on the road.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Things to Come (1936)

Today we watched Things to Come today.  It was awful.  It was made in the style of a grainy newsreel, everyone spoke in those awful 1930's newsreporter voices, and the whole thing was just an anti-war film disguised as a film about the future.  This was probably the wrong choice for Memorial Day, espeically with so many of my family being veterans.  We will give this a 4/10.

It starts off in the "future" of 1940 when war is threatened to last forever and destroy the world.  Everyone says that war will stop progress.  And it does.  The world all goes to chaos.  Plus, an epidemic of the "wandering sickness" spreads, but finally stops when all the infected people are shot dead.  Which totally makes sense because everyone knows you can't catch germs from a dead person.

Then comes the real future of past-2014, when we finally go to the moon.  They kind of underestimated our technological advances here.  Then there's a lot of preaching about progress and Azalea and I kind of tuned out.  Then it was over.

The main thing I hated was everyone had that 1930's newsreporter voices that boom.  Nobody talks like that, ever, not in a conversational way.  It really took away from the movie.  The whole thing felt like a giant newsreel, and it only focused on the negative parts of the future.  So we decided to think about positive things that exist instead:

• More vaccines that can save lives.
• Microwaves to heat up noodles
• Crocs because they're comfy and people give us weird looks when we wear them and we don't care
• Cameraphones - Are they camera or phone?  They are both!
• Toasters.
• Publix - where shopping is a pleasure - possibly the best grocery store
• balloons
• air conditioning
• The internet that contains several lifetimes worth of knowledge yet I mostly use it to play games. The internet is also where we can make or watch educational or informational videos.  We're trying to make a video, but it's not going too well.
• Poptarts
• Pullups because they really help with toilet training - when she keeps all her clothes on, that is
• there's so much more we can think about, but it's almost 11 so we'll stop for now.

Ninotchka (1939)

Yesterday was our first blog anniversary. Since last February 4th, I have reviewed 289 films.  Today's film is Ninotchka, which is a comedy/commentary on Communism/romance.  I like finding movies that I can quote, and there are a ton of quotable lines from this film.  This is almost like The Big Lebowski of the 1930's in how much I can quote in everyday situations.

Three men from Russia are in Paris to hawk confiscated (stolen) royal jewels for the sake of the government.  When the Countess Swana, rightful owner of the jewels finds out, she takes legal action, which leaves them stranded for the time being.  The Russian government sends an envoy to see what's up.  To everyone's surprise, it's woman; Ninotchka.  She is stern, make-up free, plain, and has absolutely no sense of humor.

By some magical coincidence, she meets Count Leon, Countess Swana's retainer, while she's out and about studying Paris.  He says, "Russians! I love Russians! I've been interested in your 5 year plan for the last 15 years."  I do like how she tries to compliment him.  She says, "Your general appearance is not distasteful", and also she likes his corneas, which is an odd thing to like.  Count Leon falls head over heels for her.  The next day he tries over and over to make her laugh.  When he stands up and promptly falls down, she is caught off guard and finally laughs.

After laughing,  Ninotchka transforms into something resembling a human being.  She tries on lipstick, buys the ugliest hat, and laughs at jokes now.  Unfortunately she is forced to go back to Russia.  What's worse, Count Leon is denied a visa to go see her.  How will he see Ninotchka again?  Don't worry, it's a romantic comedy, he'll figure it out.  I will give this movie an 8/10.

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Today's film is Bringing Up Baby.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.  First off, Baby is a leopard and not an actual baby.  Everyone is so manic in the film and nothing normal is happening.  The gags go on for so long that they stop being funny anymore.

I don't like Cary Grant in comedies.  Sure, he's cute, but I don't like his style at all.  He always comes off too manic and fake for me.  I found his character really annoying.

My favorite was Katharine Hepburn's character.  She made the entire movie, especially when she just randomly takes people's cars.  I finally figured out why these sort of movies are called screwball because this is the screwiest  movie I have ever seen. There is so much randomness.  There's a leopard, a piece of a dinosaur skeleton that gets stolen by an ugly dog, and everybody gets jailed for some reason.  I will give this film a 6/10.

The Thin Man (1934)

Today's film is The Thin Man.  I thought it was pretty funny.  What I liked most was the chemistry between Nick and Nora.  Also I like mysteries that I have trouble with otherwise it's too easy and I get bored.

So, the Thin Man isn't actually Nick I thought, it's Clyde Wynant.  He wanted to give his daughter, Dorothy some bonds as a wedding present.  Turns out that his mistress has gotten rid of them.  When she is murdered, Wynant is the most obvious suspect.  He hasn't been seen since he left on a trip and closed up shop.

Nick and Nora have just gotten married and moved back to New York, and since Nora is an heiress, they have nothing better to do than drink and party.  Nick is handsome, rich, smart, and drinks nonstop.  Like a 1930's Tony Stark.  The chemistry between him and Nora seems completely natural, like I could buy them as being a couple, which is rare from a film this old.  I liked it when Nick pointed to her chest so she would look down and he could smack her on the rose with his finger.  Nora convinces Nick to take the case because she feels it would be exciting.  It's a good thing she did because he did figure it out.

The problem with mysteries like this is that there are too many people and situations for me to keep track of.  Plus, with the movie being black and white and every woman having the same hairstyle, makes it even harder for me.  Nick decides the best course of action is to invite all the suspects to a dinner party and accuse them there.  It worked, but that doesn't sound very smart to me.

The Thin Man is funny and quick-paced, and features a refreshingly honest chemistry between the two main characters, Nick and Nora.  I will give this film a 7/10.