Die Hard (1988)

Today's film is Die Hard, which is an excellent Christmas film.  There are some who would argue that this is not a Christmas film, and they are wrong.

John McClane is a New York City cop.  His wife left town and moved to LA to work at Nakatomi plaza.  This causes a rift between them because its hard being across the country and maybe his wife didn't consider his feelings on the matter.  What's worse is when he visits her office, he discovers that she is now using her maiden name.  What is up with that?

So, the office Christmas party gets overtaken by a German terrorist group.  But we learn that the whole terrorism thing is just a distraction so they can steal a ton of money from the vault.  In fact, they are counting on the feds cutting the power so they can open the vault more easily. Actually, that wouldn't work in real life.  Something as important as a vault would be on its own power supply and would still function even if the entire grid was shut off.

I think this movie would be a lot different if it were made today.  The book it was based on was written in the 1960s and the film came out in 1988.  But, today we have terrorist attacks all over the place.  My workplace put in several new policies right after the most recent attack in California.  Also, news reports love to focus on terror attacks and we have instant access to everything.  John McClane could have live-tweeted his whole experience. #Nakatomi #terroristsarebad

McClane does use what little technology he has to contact the police.  Other than that, he just uses his smarts and badassdom to defeat the majority of the terrorists singlehandedly.  There are no twists and turns, no strange plot devices, the whole film is straight up action.  The whole film.  Fun fact: The Nakatomi building is actually the 20th century Fox building.  This is a very exciting Christmas film.  I will give it an 8/10.

Jurassic World (2015)

Jurassic World is one of the most fun movies I have ever seen.  It has dinosaurs and Chris Pratt riding a motorcycle.  Really what more do you need from a movie?

I may be a bit biased because this is part of the Jurassic Park series.  My dad took me to the premier of Jurassic Park when I was eight years old.  Since then, I have watched the sequels and been to the Jurassic Park land at Universal Studios.  My dad also got me all of the books.  Now, my daughter is five years old and she gets to watch a new Jurassic Park movie with me.  This is so great.

So if you don't like dinosaurs this movie is not for you. But what about the first three movies?  We have learned that dinosaurs are very dangerous and will kill people.  But now we are sophisticated enough to stick them in a Seaworld type environment where the dinosaurs are more secure.  Since I work for a large entertainment company, I am very familiar with how theme parks work behind the scenes.  A lot of it is exaggerated and is way more high tech than real life, but that's to make it look cool.  In reality our computers are so old!  And they hardly ever get updated, and the wifi is spotty if it ever works at all.  But we do have a kickass monorail though.

Living in Florida I have the opportunity to visit Citywalk often.  It is a lot of fun, and if you've never been there, it's like a street full of shops and restaurants right before you enter Universal Studios.  It doesn't require a ticket to enter, so it's cheap fun.  The reason I tell you this is because the main street in Jurassic World is identical to Citywalk.  I almost thought they filmed it there, but it turns out they rebuilt a set to look like it.  So Jurassic Park isn't real, but hey Citywalk is.

My favorite part was the cameo of Jimmy Buffett as he runs away from the pterodactyls while carry his margaritas.  

Since we have learned from past experience that dinosaurs are dangerous, there's no more threat from them.  There's even a petting zoo at the park.  But you know us Americans!  We love Danger! Yeah, explosions fire awesome.  Why do you think people watch NASCAR?  It's for the crashes that's why.  So a corporation (of course) sponsors a new breed of dinosaur, specifically created in a lab to be the scariest dinosaur ever.  Not surprising to anyone in the audience, it escapes and destroys everything in its path.  The dinosaur was created by bits and pieces of living animals, so it has many helpful advantages in the wild, such as temperature control and camouflage.  Oh, they also manage a whole subplot about using raptors as weapons for the military so we now got both evil corporate greed mixed with evil government greed.

Here's my theory, which isn't in the movie at all.  Owen realizes that the scary dinosaur, named Indominus Rex, is part raptor which explains her hunting prowess.  She killed all the brontosauruses in the field for fun.  A raptor would have killed and eaten them.  A raptor's goal is to swarm an animal like a pack of wolves and devour it.  But think about this.  She figured out how to escape.  She enjoys solving puzzles and quickly finds answers to problems. She's far smarter than any other dinosaur and uses every adaptation she has to her advantage.  I believe she has human DNA in her.  This explains both her incredible intelligence as well as her viciousness.  I hope they will explore this further in the next movie.

This movie is fun and everything you can expect from a movie about killer dinosaurs.  I will give it a 9/10.

The Girl who Played with Fire (2009)

Today's film is The Girl who Played with Fire.  It's not as interesting or mysterious as the first film.  It involves Mikael's news investigating a sex trafficking ring.  Then, three people are murdered and the police want Lisbeth. 

It ends up that the man in charge is a Russian spy who also happens to be Lisbeth's father.  Not only that, but the huge blond man who beat up two of her friends and tried to set them on fire, is her brother.  Her German brother who cannot feel pain.  So, to sum this up, she is a Swedish computer hacker with a Russian spy father and a German brother who acts as the father's muscle since he can't register pain.  Can this story get any crazier?  I will give this film a 6/10.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)

Today's film is The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  This film is the original Swedish version.  I have not read the book nor do I intend to. 

I thought Noomi Rapace did an excellent job as Lisbeth.  The movie is slower paced, and the way it starts, you have no idea what to expect next.  A reporter, Mikael, is set up and will be going to jail, but a rich man hires him to search for his missing niece. Shockingly, Lisbeth, who was hired to hack against him begins helping him, maybe out of curiosity or boredom. 

They begin to officially work together on the case.  But what they uncover shocks everyone. They find a pattern of murders.  But not just murders.  Religious ritual racist Nazi murders.  Say that three times fast.  This film is very graphic, with murders, rapes, and torture/injury scenes.  I liked the pace of the movie, but some scenes were far fetched, like when Mikael is saved at the last minute.  Like of course he's not gonna die, he's one of the main characters.   I'm gonna give this film an 8/10.

North by Northwest (1959)

Today's film is North by Northwest, a film so great Kayne West named his daughter after it.  There is so much happening in this film! A lot of it went by in a blur for me. Every minute something new is happening.

First, Roger Thornhill is a regular guy.  But he is kidnapped by bad guys and almost killed. Now the cops think he is a drunk driver and a thief, and won't believe him and do really shoddy detective work.  Roger does his own detective work but then ends up being framed for murder.  The CIA knows he's innocent and use him as a pawn against the bad guys.

ahhh a plane is chasing me!

So now Roger has to elude both the bad guys and the cops! And the government helps, but not really.  Roger goes all across the country and even gets chased by a plane with a machine gun.  Then he almost falls off of Mount Rushmore! So much is happening! More exclamation points!! I will give this film a 9/10.

Deliverance (1972)

Today's film is Deliverance.  I was under the impression that this was a disturbing/terrifying film.  Well, that may have been true when it was made in the 1970's.  It still has its moment though.

Four friends get together to canoe down a river before the whole area is flooded (for a dam I think).  Canoeing and White water rafting is a fun and relaxing pasttime.  Well not this time.  Two of the friends get separated and get out onto land, where one of them is raped by a hillbilly.  That hillbilly is shot by Burt Reynolds, and they all carry him away and bury him together.  There is much arguing and speculation about what the other hillbillies will do once they find out he's missing.

Since there weren't any cell phones back then, and their cars are waiting for them at the end of the river, they have no choice but to continue on the path they're on.  They go over the waterfall and crash down to the bottom.  One of them was not wearing his life jacket and drowned.  Burt Reynolds (I never learn his character names because he's just Burt Reynolds) breaks his leg or something, so the remaining two have to help him get to safety.

One of them scales the cliff to shoot the hillbilly and is careful about coming down.  This is especially exciting since the actor is actually scaling up a real cliff.  They finally make it to their cars, where the creepy banjo playing kid is eyeballing them.  All the hillbillies in this creepy, but not like mutant creepy.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Cube (1997)

Today's film is Cube, where an unseen villain places unsuspecting victims in, literally, a giant Rubik's Cube, where they must work together to navigate through a maze of traps.

I don't want to give too much away, because the suspense is the best part of watching this.  Which rooms will have traps?  What are they?  Who will die?  Let's say that only two people are actually useful, in that they can use their math skills to solve the puzzle of the Cube.

Who made this Cube?  Was it the government?  Was it aliens?  Is the government run by aliens?  Also, the cop who takes control and later beats people is by no means unexpected and should not be considered a spoiler.  After the puzzle of the Cube has been solved, what happens to those who survive?  What is on the outside of the Cube?  A new, bigger Cube??  What if its a series of cubes-within cubes within cubes???  Where does it end people?

This movie was enjoyable because it was a psychological thriller with a touch of mystery, and enough gore to keep me somewhat entertained.  I do enjoy good gore.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Blade Runner (1982)

Today's film is Blade Runner.  It was based on the novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick.  I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, mainly because of Harrison Ford's excellent acting and him being shirtless part of the time.  The setting is a dark, cyberpunk future that doesn't focus much on technology except for the fact that replicants exist as slaves on distant planets.  "Replicants" are what this film calls "androids" or humanoid robots.  They look exactly like humans, but have no emotions, have super strength, and have a limited lifespan of 4 years.

Replicants are dangerous, so they are not allowed on Earth.  If they come, they are hunted down by special cops called Blade Runners.  An especially skilled one named Deckard is called out of retirement to take care of a group of replicants that have stolen a ship to come to Earth to meet their creator.  Even though in the book Deckard is definitely not a replicant, everything in this movie seems to indicate he is.  He even has the same red flash in his eyes when talking to Rachael, another replicant.  She doesn't even know she is one, at least not until he gives her a special test to check her emotions.  So if Deckard is a replicant, then he probably doesn't know he is one either.

The movie culminates in a rainy fight between Deckard and the stronger Roy.  Both actors agree that Ridley Scott's assertion that Deckard is a replicant takes away from this fight.  Instead of it being a fight of man over machine, it just turns into a fight between two androids.  That's it.  So in this sense, one could say that Deckard has to be a human.  Also, it would be difficult but not impossible for Rachael to form any relationship with Deckard if she really doesn't have any emotions.

 In some ways, the replicants are more alive than Deckard is, who only exists to do his job, one he tried to retire from in the first place.  The replicants, led by Roy Batty (played by Rutger Hauer), are on a mission to visit their creator to extend their lifespans.  Roy's lifespan is almost up and he is not ready to die yet.  The creator tries to explain that they can't extend the lifespan and have tried several times.   Roy responds by killing him by smashing his face with his bare hands.  So this movie explores themes of creators being destroyed by what they have created, slavery and freedom, and what it means to be human.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Le salaire de la peur (The Wages of Fear) (1953)

Today's film is The Wages of Fear.  It wasn't necessarily what I would call thrilling, but it was definitely tense.  It starts off in a town in South America people of all nationalities gather and basically do nothing.  Our main characters are either from France or Italy.  It makes me wonder how they all got to this town, whether or not they had jobs and lost them, or anything about their past really.

The first part of the film lets us get to know the main characters, the four drivers of the two trucks.  They are all immigrants to this country with no real job, except Luigi who works with concrete.  Learning that he job is contributing to some serious health issues, he agrees to go along as well.  His driving partner is Bimba.  The other truck drivers are Mario, the main guy who arrives as the sole driver and successfully delivers the nitro to the oil field.  His partner is Jo, who appears to be in charge but is really a worrisome guy.

A faroff oil well is on fire, and they need nitro to blow it out.  Why?  Because the explosion will eat up all the oxygen around the oil well, and fire needs oxygen to burn.  A big problem is that nitroglycerin is very sensitive to shock, meaning a bump can set it off in a huge explosion, and over time it becomes more unstable, making it more dangerous.  The oil field near the town has some it can deliver, but doesn't have any safety equipment to go with it.  Question: Why would they even have nitro without safety equipment to transport it?  Wouldn't it make sense to keep some on hand just in case?

The boss hires four men, who they call tramps because they don't have regular jobs, because they are not union nor do they have any family that would expect retribution if they are killed.  Each man knows how dangerous this work is.  Did anyone else notice that one truck had Mario and the other had Luigi?

Some moments are especially tense.  There is a giant boulder blocking the path of the trucks, so Bimba decides to blow it up with a bit of the nitro.  It works, spectacularly, and I worried that the rocks from the hillside might tumble down and hit the trucks.  But they didn't.

Even though we don't see exactly what happens, we see that in the distance there was an explosion.  Somehow traveling while driving through a huge puddle, Luigi and Bimba's truck has exploded and there is literally nothing left of them (except a cigarette holder).  Now the reality of just how dangerous this stuff is really sinks into the other two, who have no choice but to go through the same puddle.  I remembered earlier when Mario was backing up and asked Jo to spot for him.  No matter how many times he yelled to stop, he didn't and nearly knocked him off the cliff.  So I know that it isn't going to end well for Jo.  So when he yells at Mario to stop, again, he can't because he doesn't want to lose momentum and runs straight over Jo.  After freeing the truck from the puddle, Mario loads him onto the truck.  Right before they enter the oilfield, Jo goes into shock and dies.  Mario emerges onto the oilfield and is treated like a hero, and even given double the salary.

Mario celebrates his drive home by driving like a total asshole, weaving wildly from side to side.  He loses control of the truck and plunges off a cliff.  This is an excellent lesson to learn from a film: Don't drive like an asshole.  You might get stuck, explode, run over someone, and drive off a cliff.  All these things happened because they weren't driving as carefully as they should have.  I will give this film an 8/10.

M (1931)

Today's film is M,  which is just as relevant today as it was in 1931.  Someone is going around town killing kids, and the police are at a total loss.  So, assuming he's a regular criminal, the police raid the criminal areas night after night.  So, the criminals are upset at this, since they can't do "business" they'll go broke, not to mention they are tired of being harassed.

The leaders of each criminal organization meet and come up with a brilliant plan.  They will find the killer themselves.  They enlist the help of the beggar's organization to keep watch on the streets.  They have a great system of communicating with each other through the streets, by sounds and whistles, like an old-fashioned twitter.  The blind balloon seller recognizes the killer's whistle and tells a friend to follow and mark him.  The killer was whistling the same tune when he bought a balloon for a girl named Elsie, who became one of his victims.  The man marks his coat with the letter M for murderer so everyone can spot him easily.  The killer, Beckert, realizes this and takes off.  The criminals track him down to an office building and search for him.  They use their talents to break in and search each room.

About the same time the criminals find the killer, the police have enough clues to arrest Beckert.  But he's gone from his house, hiding in the office building.  After a watchmen in the building trips the alarm, most of the criminals flee, carrying Beckert away.  The police catch a stranded thief and question him.  I did not like the upward crotch shot of the detective while he was talking.  What an odd angle.  Anyway, Beckert has been taken to a court set up by the criminals.  He pleads that he is paranoid and is compelled to kill.  The lead criminal doesn't want him to go to a real court, where he can plead insanity and be taken care of by the state.  Which I agree with.  I am reminded of the case of Andrea Yates, who drowned her five children and now resides in a LOW security mental hospital in Texas.  A child killer just like Beckert.  Beckert pleads for his life, but the women of the court speak out about losing their children to him.  The criminals rush toward him but are stopped by the police.  The final scene show them in a real court, with the mothers telling each other they have to still watch their children.  Because you'll never know when he'll be released and start killing again.

I thought this movie was great and was well-made.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  It started a little slow, but it built up until the final scene.  So I will give it a 9/10.

The Conversation (1974)

Today's movie is The Conversation, a classic that led me to a stunning revelation.  It stars Gene Hackman as Harry Caul, a surveillance technician that's very well known in his field.  He builds most of his own equipment and runs his own business spying on people for a profit.  I will rate this film an 8/10.

Caul is a religious and modest man that keeps to himself.  For his birthday, he prefers playing his saxophone to jazz albums rather than going to the club.  Even though he is great at his job, he never likes to talk about it.  One of his surveillance jobs inadvertently led to the murder of three people.  His most recent job entails audio recording the conversation of a couple in the park, financed by a man called "the director".  After recording them, his team returns to their workshop.  As he tweaks the audio, he starts to believe that this couple may be in danger.  Is he hearing it right or is he just misinterpreting the whole thing?  Who is really in danger?

I absolutely love the old fashioned technology, which was cutting-edge in its day.  I have always enjoyed working with analog equipment.  It is amazing how much effort it took for his team to record one conversation from one couple.  Today, the NSA can record 12000 facebook conversations in one day.  Suck on that 1970s!

The ending was so shocking and I in no way expected it to happen. Also, I was thinking about this film all day and I was reminded of my Will Smith movie collection. Fun fact: I watch any film that he is in no matter what because I've had a crush on him since second grade.  So, one of his films is Enemy of the State, where he plays an innocent man (Dean) chased by the NSA.  His character is helped greatly by a former surveillance technician who worked for the NSA called "Brill".  If you look at Brill's id photo from his younger days, it was actually taken from The Conversation. Brill has the same personality and temperament as Harry Caul, has an elaborate workshop just like him, and knows everything about wiretapping and surveillance, obviously from his years of experience.  At the end of The Conversation, Caul tears apart his apartment in search of hidden bugs, just as Brill expertly removes all of Dean's bugs. He even wears the exact same raincoat. I believe that Harry Caul is Brill, living under a pseudonym and willing to help Dean with his knowledge.

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

Today's film is What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?  I was definitely a victim of over-expectations for this film.  I have heard so many great things about it and was expecting something twisted and terrifying.  This movie was good, it just was not what I had expected.  It was, therefore, a bit of a letdown.

Baby Jane was a spoiled brat child star.  She has a sister named Blanche who grew to be a successful actress.  Jane couldn't transform from child star to real actress and resents Blanche.  After a car accident paralyzes her sister, Jane takes on the role as her caretaker.  As years go by and their mansion falls apart, Jane continually torments Blanche.  Blanche wants Jane to get help for her alcoholism.  Jane, in return, takes away her phone, and serves her awful things like her pet bird for dinner.  Blanche, being trapped upstairs, tries her best to get help and escape.

One of the scariest parts is the times Blanche tries to get down the stairs.  I can't tell you how hard it is to go down anything, whether a steep hill or stairs, when you can't feel your legs.  Also, this is one of the reasons why I workout to strengthen my upper body.  I have also used a toboggan and sledded down the stairs.  Probably not the smartest idea, but it's a lot of fun.  Although, I think when she reached the phone downstairs, she really should have called 911.

The twist of the film is when Blanche tells Jane who actually caused the car accident.  I had no idea this was supposed to be a twist.  If you watch the car accident very carefully, you can clearly see who's driving.

I didn't see this movie as scary.  I saw it as very sad.  Blanche needed a caretaker and got the worst one.  Jane couldn't escape her spoiled child star status and descended into alcoholism.  Both of them need a lot of help.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Oldeuboi (2003)

So, I was at the neurologist, and the nurse calls me in for a test.  She places all these electric diodes and wires all over my feet and legs.  Next to her was a machine to measure this electricity or something.  Then, she would activate each diode to send the electric shock to my nerves to see the reaction.  Now, most of them I couldn't feel.  But then some of them I could feel! And they shocked the crap out of me!

Another thing that shocked the crap out of me was Oldeuboi! I was glued to my seat the entire time, wondering what was going to happen to him.  The main character is Oh Dae-Su.  One day, out of the blue, he is kidnapped and kept in a room for 15 years.  Just as randomly, he is set free with money and clothes; told he has to find his captor and discover the reason his captor kept him so long, but he only has five days to do so.  Can he figure out the mystery?  Did he deserve to be captured for so long?

This is a mystery that was exciting from start to finish.  But I knew there was something up with that girl he liked.  I knew something had to be very wrong.  But the captor tricks them into being together on purpose to punish Oh Dae-Su because he feels he needs revenge.  This is a revenge tale that stretches all the way back to when the captor and Oh Dae-Su were in high school together.

There are some fight scenes and they are glorious.  These fight scenes, especially that one with the hammer, are expertly choreographed.

Then the captor finally gets his revenge, and Oh Dae-Su begs for forgiveness.  Also, Oh Dae-Su cuts off his own tongue with a pair of scissors.  The captor responds by shooting himself in the head.  I don't understand.  He got what he wanted.  Killing himself seems like a waste at this point.

Oh Dae-Su opts to be hypnotized so he'll forget his entire ordeal, and live his life peacefully (although without his tongue).  He seems happy to have forgotten, but has he truly forgotten?  We may never know.  This is one of the most exciting and disturbing thrillers I have seen, and I will give it an 8/10.

Repulsion (1965)

The first half is like so boring. Seeing a blonde girl walk around while jazz music plays is not how character development works.  Then I started to realize that she doesn't like men.  She really does not like men.  It doesn't help that her sister/roommate is dating a married man.

Her sister goes off with her boyfriend on vacation, leaving Carole, the blonde girl, at home.  She only has to do two things: go to work as normal, and drop off the rent money.  She fails at doing both.  Eventually she locks herself in the apartment and breaks down.

Question: Is the cracking of the walls supposed to represent the cracking of her fragile psyche? Because that is just way too literal a way to emphasize this. I did not like this at all. 

It's just a crack in the sidewalk. The director allows your
dirty mind to figure out what she's really looking at.

This film stands out as it portrays a character with mental illness from their point of view. We can tell she has suffered some form of abuse as she is untrusting, even afraid of all men, even ones who care about her.  This is confirmed by the photo at the end of her as a child glaring in quiet rage at her father.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Funny Games (1997)

After the painful episode of having to watch and review Fanny and Alexander, it's time I reviewed something funny. How about Funny Games? The word "funny" is right there in the title! This should be awesome.

And it was! What a fantastic example of a dark comedy. The only bits I did not care for were the long drawn out bouts of tension where nothing really happens. It was like watching one of those cooking reality shows right before the winning dish is revealed.

The story is about a rich family who go to their vacation home and are attacked and manipulated by a pair of sadistic creeps. I did not like how one of them took to beating people with the golf club. That is a $400 driver, why would you destroy such a beautiful piece of equipment?

Why don't I feel sorry for the family? They had so many opportunities to get away or ask for help and they didn't take it. They have no idea how to defend themselves. I will not hesitate to beat someone with my cane should the need arise. Seriously, even my sister takes krav maga classes. True story: she bet her son, my nephew, $0.50 that he could not kick her in the head. He is now a proud owner of 50 cents. But at least she's trying. The father tells them to take their money and leave, but they don't want money. He asks why don't they just hurry up and kill them. I was like, "for real, I want to go to bed already." The boys answer that they can't because the movie hasn't reached feature film length yet. 

The best part was the breaking of the fourth wall moments, as if the boys were asking my permission to carry out their mayhem. I wondered if they could see me too, and answered thusly:

Near the end, the mother grabs the gun and shoots one of the boys! Hooray she finally was able to save herself. Then the other boy frantically searches for the remote control. I wondered, "Why? Is he going to smack her with it?" But no. He uses it to rewind the entire scene to before his partner was shot. I was like "Oh my god, that was priceless".  Now that both boys are alive again, they can continue their killing spree. Then they go on this existential tangent about reality, and how some realities differ from others. Yes, that's why I shouldn't feel bad about these people dying; they're not real. And to them, I'm not real. That blew my mind so much I had to go take a hot shower. This movie gets a 7/10.

The Terminator (1984)

This is the tale of a robot that inadvertently causes his problem when he goes to the past to prevent it. The Terminator is an evil robot that goes back in time to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of John Connor, the hero of his time, before he is even born.  John sends Kyle to the past to find his mother and stop the robot from killing her.  Kyle succeeds, and becomes the reason John exists in the first place.  So if the Terminator would not have gone back in time, Kyle would not have reason to follow it, and never met Sarah. It is like one of those Greek myths where the king tries to prevent his destiny, and his very actions cause his destiny.

The main thing I don't understand is the whole "naked time travel" thing. For the human, Kyle, it sort of  makes sense because it only allows him to bring himself, not any objects or futuristic weapons. Unfortunately this also means that he can't wear any shoes or clothes. Ok, I can see where this would be a problem. Not that I have any problem with seeing a naked man; I just don't want him to catch a cold being outside at night.

But what about the Terminator? Why does he have to be naked? He is simply made of layers. A layer of wires/cables, layer of metal, layer of flesh-like material (skin). Wouldn't clothing simply be another layer for him? Or couldn't he have been molded with clothes on, like some children's toys are? It seems unreasonable for him to have to be naked or to look completely human. I mean, this isn't an Asimov novel. And why does he need to go obtain weapons, couldn't he have some awesome built-in guns or lasers?

And why couldn't the Terminator just run over Sarah Connor with the truck? He just slowly follows her around as she desperately runs away. Seriously, all he had to do was speed up slightly and she would have been flattened like a pancake.

This film is fun to watch and is also very low budget. James Cameron said in an interview that he was living in his car when he wrote this. Sometimes good movies don't need huge budgets. I'll give this movie a 7/10. And I'll be back tomorrow with a review of The Terminator 2.

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)

One day a man on a boat tricks his wife into getting a beer for him.  Suddenly he is engulfed in a strange mist and a few months later, begins to decrease in size. It's sort of like Stephen King's "Thinner" but without weird   gypsies. He keeps shrinking until he becomes only 3 feet tall. He loses his job and has to sell his story to reporters because he has no way of making income. However, his wife seems perfectly capable of working.

"Wahh! My husband is so tiny and his penis is slightly smaller than usual! My life is so painful!"

Meanwhile, the man meets a hot little person in a cafe who tells him that life can be wonderful. She tells him that she "was born a midget". Now I know that this movie is really old, because today little people do not like being called "midgets".  And they really don't like being called "people mcnuggets".

Inspired by her words, and the fact she is a really hot little person, he starts writing his book again.  And why the fuck is he writing his book in pencil? Is he all of a sudden fuckin Hemingway?

But then he starts shrinking even more! Drama! He starts shrinking so small that a cat almost eats him and a spider becomes his greatest enemy.  I noticed he used a sewing pin as a sword. I was like, what is this - the secret life of Arrietty? Which is great because I really love The Borrowers. As he shrinks more and more, he finally escapes through the screen to the world outside and makes his speech about how there might be other people affected by the strange mist and he might not be the only one out there. And I finally realized that he simply is the first of the Borrowers. That's why we never see him again, he is travelling to another house, presumably one with no basement, where he can live peacefully.  Borrowers are known to leave houses once they've been discovered by humans. This gets a 9/10 because I've always wanted to know the origin of the Borrowers.

He has his own dollhouse!

The French Connection (1971)

This is a fairly average crime drama in which the cops are trying to bust a drug ring. It wasn't any different than Bad Boys or any of the Lethal Weapon movies. There really wasn't anything that stood out to me as anything special. Except for the car chase! I love a good car chase scene in a movie and this one was fantastic. Even more recent films that I have watched with all their high tech cars and special effects cannot compare to this car chase. It is worth it to watch the entire movie for the car chase alone. Also the young Gene Hackman is rather handsome in this movie. I will give this movie a 6/10 for being decent overall with an awesome car chase.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Beauty and the Beast would have been the very first animated feature to win best picture if it weren't for this movie. But this movie does deserve the award.

The most engaging character is Dr. Hannibal Lector, the evil cannibal crazy guy. He's only onscreen for like 15 minutes, but he's the one we remember.  When he is being interviewed by Clarice, the FBI agent, sometimes he will look directly at the camera. I thought that it must be a mistake because you're not supposed to look directly at the camera since it can break the fourth wall. However, in an interview, Anthony Hopkins (who plays Hannibal) says he looks at the camera because his character is so intelligent that he knows everything and can read people easily. That's how his character knew the whole Anthrax Island thing was a trick. He looks at the camera because he knows he's being watched and he is looking straight at us, the audience. That is so creepy I don't know what to say.

The rest of the movie is filled with suspense. The Buffalo Bill character is also creepy and dangerous and I wondered how he could be stopped. And he was.  Hannibal gets transferred out of prison but escapes after he eats a guard's face. Who the hell wrote this movie? I'm giving this a 8/10 for being creepy as fuck.

Rear Window (1954)

This movie made me so mad!  For the first half of the movie, the main character, Jeff, spent the whole movie complaining about how he has nothing to do because he's stuck in a wheelchair. Excuse me? I'm disabled and I get out and do lots of things.  I watch movies, write, read books. I have a full time job and sometimes I even drive.  So there's no reason for his constant whining. Then his girlfriend comes by and brings him a lobster dinner and he tells her to shut up! Twice! You don't ever tell a lady to shut up. That is disgusting.

And, he's just rude to everyone who tries to help him.  And he didn't even really see anything going on in the other apartment. Everything he assumed was just speculative. He just got lucky.  Then, the stupidest part of the movie is when the neighbor goes over to Jeff's apartment. Does nobody up north lock their doors? Then he goes and drops him out of the window.  Really? If he was so careful killing his wife that not even the detectives suspected anything was wrong, why would he be so careless as to drop a guy out of a window?  Why couldn't he have killed him in the apartment, especially since he was "too useless" being in a wheelchair.   Honestly, I could have killed him much more efficiently than that.  The only reason he was in a wheelchair to begin with is because he was a stupidass who stood in the middle of a racetrack.  I have no sympathy for him.  He is rude, horrible, and does not deserve his girlfriend. Everything he did and said is offensive to actually disabled people like me, who have much better things to do than ogle at girls through a window and just happen to think he saw something else because he's bored.  There is never an excuse to be bored.  And this movie wasn't even that thrilling or exciting at all. The whole thing was just speculative and then lucky.  This movie gets a 2/10 for pissing me the hell off.