Thursday, March 19, 2015

Goldfinger (1964)

This year is the 51st anniversary of Goldfinger.  This time, Bond is asked to follow Auric Goldfinger, a jeweller that has gold literally everywhere.  How is he moving it across borders?  Of course, if it's done illegally, then the government is going to seize some.  The government wants some of that gold pie and are sending Bond to do their dirty work.  Bond's like adddventure time and leaves immediately to follow them. 

Adddventure Time!! - James Bond, probably

He has met Goldfinger before, and banged his girlfriend.  Goldfinger retaliates by making his minions paint her gold, which kills her of "skin suffocation".  Ok, we don't breathe through our skin. We're not frogs. Come on.  Bond needs to learn to say no sometimes.

While driving along following Goldfinger, Bond encounters Tilly the terrible sniper, who is out for revenge for her sister's death.  Her sister is the gold-painted girl.  After an awesome car chase inside a building, Bond is captured and almost killed.  By a laser! In the book, it was a tablesaw but lasers are awesomer.  This is actually the first time a laser appears in a film.  Bond bluffs his way out of death and is taken to Auric's horse ranch in America.  The pilot of his plane's name is Pussy Galore, which is the best Bond girl name ever.  She rejects his advances because she's a lesbian.  Pussy Galore is the real hero of the story!  She flies a plane, does judo, and saves the day!

Goldfinger plans to gas the area around Fort Knox to render everyone unconscious so he can reach the gold.  However, the gas he plans to use is deadly.  Pussy Galore switches out the gas tanks on her flying brigade's planes so they won't kill anyone.  In the book, Goldfinger does plan to steal all the gold.  But in the movie, Bond uses his math skills to show how impossible this is.  So Goldfinger's new plan is to blow a dirty bomb on it, which won't destroy it, but irradiate it and make it useless.  This in turn will make Goldfinger's gold worth more.  Bond does manage to kill Oddjob, but someone else turns the bomb off and without Galore's intervention, everyone would have died.  This is the most exciting Bond film so I will give it a 7/10.

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