Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Today's film is Plan 9 from Outer Space.  It has the distinction of being the worst film ever made.  Because of this fact, it can be a guilty pleasure for some to watch and laugh at.  And it's not that it's so bad that it's good, it's just bad.

This looks more like a Soviet propaganda
poster than a movie poster.

First of all, the plot is here and everywhere.  Aliens, who look exactly like humans but wear shimmery clothes, come to destroy the Earth to prevent us from building some kind of sun-bomb.  They decide to implement Plan 9 in order to do this.  Plan 9 involves taking the recently deceased and turning them into zombie/vampires.  I can't tell if their zombies or vampires.  They certainly look like vampires, especially Vampira, who doesn't say anything, just walks slowly and menacingly.  The actress Vampira refused to say any lines because she thought the dialogue was atrocious.  That's a question I have for the filmmakers: If your own actress thinks the dialogue is so bad she can't even say it, then why would you think anyone would enjoy it? Also, the time of day changes constantly.  In one scene, it'll go from night to day to night for no reason.

The other vampire I see is Count Dracula, or Bela Lugosi, who I think either can't get over the fame he had as playing Dracula or doesn't want to.  He slow walking (acting exactly like Dracula) is really misplaced in this film.  Also, thanks to watching Ed Wood (a biopic on the director), I learned that Bela Lugosi died during the filming and was poorly replaced, which is why he's covered by his cape half the time.  I really have a greater appreciation for this film after watching Ed Wood.  Not that I like it any better, I just know more about the actors playing in this film and what they thought.   The only character that reminds me of a zombie was Tor Johnson, just because he's too big to be a vampire.

Since this was plan 9, what were the other plans?  Did they seriously try 8 other plans to destroy or invade Earth and fail, and this was their new best plan?  Do they come from the same planet as Invader Zim?

Even if Ed Wood wasn't the worst director ever, he certainly was the worst writer ever.  My favorite line in the movie is "Future events such as these will affect you in the future".  Did he not have anyone else to proofread this?  Then, the colonel says, "Then they attacked a town, a small town I'll admit.  But nevertheless a town of people.  People who died."  This sounds like a third grader trying to write a book report.  Then, the reason why the transmission is cut short is because "atmospheric conditions in outer space often interfere with transmitting".  This is how I feel about that:

There can be no atmospheric condition in outer space because there is no atmosphere! *throws table*

This whole film made me want to throw a table.  I'm going to give it a 3/10.