Ghostbusters (1984)

I hope everyone had a happy 4th of July!  I've watched a few new films, but I really feel like I should talk about Ghostbusters because the new one is about to come out soon and I think it will be terrible.  Especially since all the marketing seems to declare "if you don't like this you're sexist".  Not liking the new movie isn't sexist, it's simply not liking what looks like a terrible movie.  Also all of the toys are being put in the boy's toy section not the girls which is odd.  If you want girls to be interested in girl characters, then market them to the girls, which no one is doing.

Ok, the first movie came out before I was born, but I grew up watching the Real Ghostbusters cartoon in the '80s.  So when the movie came on video, I watched it all the time.  Not a huge fan of the second film though.  Even though it's about ghosts and the busting of them, it's not a horror film.  It could have easily been made a horror film, but they went the comedy route.  Three paranormal scientists lose their jobs at a university and decide to put their knowledge to use ridding the city of ghosts.  They do so well that they become famous and have to hire another ghostbuster for extra help.  It turns out all these extra ghosts are because the world is ending with the apocalypse and gods and everything.  Meanwhile, a mysterious building is the source of all these goings-on.  

So this movie has everything.

Mystery - what's up with the weird apartment building? Was it built to summon the end of days?  What about the safety of the people who live there?

Horror - there's ghosts attacking people, sliming people, a giant marshmallow man is storming the city and the world may come to an end.

Sci fi - neat gadgets, like their blasters that blast the ghosts.  Also you can't cross the streams or all your molecules in your body will explode, however they do exactly this at the end and it seems to work alright for them.  They also have other objects in their arsenal for the trapping and storage of ghosts.

Comedy - this film has some of the funniest people from the 80s in it, and they wrote it as well.  We can quote this film over and over.  The humor is not dated so this is a movie that can be watched any year, and it's great to watch at any age.  I watched this all the time as a kid, and I still watch it today.  The best is Ray because he's the most naive of the ghostbusters.  He's the one who chooses the Stay-puft marshmallow man because he thinks he could never hurt anyone.

Everything you could want from a film, you can find in this film.  If it had more sappy drama it could have won Best Picture.  But it is better than that.  It is so awesome.  I will give it a 10/10.

Sherman's March (1985)

Today's film is Sherman's March.  If you are looking for an educational video about the civil war, you need to look elsewhere because this doesn't really have anything to do with the civil war at all.

If you are not familiar with Southern history, during the civil war General Sherman was a man who took it upon himself to burn the entire state of Georgia.  So he's not well liked around here.  A filmmaker, Ross, decides to make a documentary based on him, but his girlfriend leaves him right before.  This begins a journey of cringeworthy desperation.

As someone who has lived in the South my entire life, these 80's Southern folks are legit.  Most of the filming was done in Georgia.  He seems to be surrounded by a specific group of people.  This particular group is large and very vocal (read: loud) but they by no means represent all of the South.  They are loud, backwards, racist, religious, conservative, and hope for the apocalypse (or Rapture or whatever words they want to call it).  I went to my in-laws church several times and that is all they preach about.  We went to my husband's grandmother's funeral and right by the gravesite, the preacher spoke about the glorious end of the world for an hour.  The entire funeral no one mentioned his grandmother or her accomplishments.  I mean, she died because she was a drug addict so don't feel too bad, but they could have bullshit something nice about her.  It's not just a hope for a rapture, it's the desperate need, the longing for, a rapture that is a huge part of these people's lives.  This film was made in 1985 and nothing has changed at all in the South.  Nothing.

The majority of the film is creepy and pathetic.  He goes from woman to woman, desperately trying to get them to be his girlfriend.  He films one woman doing squats for a while, chases after old high school flames, and even finds a woman on a remote island.  He asks one woman, "Why don't you love me?"  That is so pathetic.

This film is honest.  It is real.  And it is everything that is wrong with the South.  Everyone in this film should be ashamed of themselves.  I will give this a 7/10.

Die Hard (1988)

Today's film is Die Hard, which is an excellent Christmas film.  There are some who would argue that this is not a Christmas film, and they are wrong.

John McClane is a New York City cop.  His wife left town and moved to LA to work at Nakatomi plaza.  This causes a rift between them because its hard being across the country and maybe his wife didn't consider his feelings on the matter.  What's worse is when he visits her office, he discovers that she is now using her maiden name.  What is up with that?

So, the office Christmas party gets overtaken by a German terrorist group.  But we learn that the whole terrorism thing is just a distraction so they can steal a ton of money from the vault.  In fact, they are counting on the feds cutting the power so they can open the vault more easily. Actually, that wouldn't work in real life.  Something as important as a vault would be on its own power supply and would still function even if the entire grid was shut off.

I think this movie would be a lot different if it were made today.  The book it was based on was written in the 1960s and the film came out in 1988.  But, today we have terrorist attacks all over the place.  My workplace put in several new policies right after the most recent attack in California.  Also, news reports love to focus on terror attacks and we have instant access to everything.  John McClane could have live-tweeted his whole experience. #Nakatomi #terroristsarebad

McClane does use what little technology he has to contact the police.  Other than that, he just uses his smarts and badassdom to defeat the majority of the terrorists singlehandedly.  There are no twists and turns, no strange plot devices, the whole film is straight up action.  The whole film.  Fun fact: The Nakatomi building is actually the 20th century Fox building.  This is a very exciting Christmas film.  I will give it an 8/10.

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Happy Halloween!  Today's film is Pumpkinhead.

Way deep in the country,  there is a place where a freaky alien-looking demon thing will chase after anything you want it to.  Everyone knows about it and is terrified of it.  

A man named Ed Harley lives with his young son (his only child) that he loves very much.  He works at the only grocery store for miles.  One day, a group of teenagers go up to the country to go dirtbiking.  Ed has to leave the store to get something from home, and just leaves his child alone in the store.  I have a five year old and I don't leave her alone for five minutes.  Especially if there's a group of strangers right outside.

So, the boy doesn't stay inside like he was told to, big surprise, and gets hit by one of the dirtbikes.  Not accepting that it was an accident, Ed wants to wreak revenge on the teenagers.  With the help of a country witch, he summons the demon Pumpkinhead to kill them all.

One thing I noticed is that all the country people are dirty.  Their faces are dirty, and it seems that no one owns a washing machine in the area.  My inlaws live out in the country, and they will go from the pecan orchard straight into the house to cook and eat, and they don't once wash their hands.  They are so gross.  Most country people are not like this honestly.  Most farmhouses are impeccably clean, and they are a source of pride for most people.

Ed regrets unleashing the demon, but it is too late to stop him.  He learns the hard way there is only one way to stop the demon.  I found this movie a lot more sadder than I found it scary.  I will give it a 5/10.  

The Changeling (1980)

Today is the first day of Fall!  I am very happy about this.  For the past two months, it's been over 100° every day.  And I have to be outside a lot.  This morning, it actually got down to 84°, but then the sun came up, but there's still hope!

When it gets cold outside (maybe even all the way to 70° people)  I like to stay in and watch horror movies.  So today's film will be The Changeling.  It showcases my most favorite genre which is haunted house horror movies.  Where even the house itself can be considered a character.

It starts off with a man, John Russell (played by George C. Scott) losing his wife and daughter in a car accident.  He moves across the country to start his life anew.  He wants a house to practice his music, and he is offered a chance to rent a historical mansion.  Of course it is haunted!

 I really enjoyed how everyone is rational in this film.  The ghost isn't trying to murder everyone, and Russell and his friends are genuinely concerned with what is happening and do a lot of research. The lady who rented him the mansion, Claire, helps him with the research.  Claire was played by George C. Scott's wife, Trish van Devere.  They found out a child died so they hold a seance.  But what happens surprises everyone!  The child that was hit by a carriage was just a red herring.  The ghost was actually a small boy that we murdered by his own father.  His father found an orphan to replace him so they could get their inheritance money.  This orphan grew up to be the senator.  

After some more research, they find the child's body, or what's left of it. Russell goes to confront the senator.  How is the senator supposed to take this news? That his father, that loved him very much is a murderer?  And that's not really his father?  And that he's not even himself,  just someone else's replacement? 

When I first saw the title, changeling, I thought of fairy lore.  But the reality is more rational.  The senator is the changeling, a replacement for the murdered child.  The ghost shows the senator a vision of his murder,and he collapses.  The ghost also sets the mansion on fire, but lets Russell and Claire escape unharmed.  Now the ghost is free to leave his prison.  This is the best haunted house movie I have ever seen.  Everything was well thought out, and no one did anything extraordinarily stupid like in most horror films. I will give it a 9/10.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

We've been on vacation for a few days to celebrate my daughter Azalea's 5th birthday.  Before we left, we all watched A Nightmare on Elm Street together as a family.  Unfortunately this coincides with the passing on Wes Craven, so we dedicate this review to him.

 So, the plot is really simple. Teenagers fall asleep and Freddy Krueger kills them in their dreams.  As I saw in the realistic documentary The Matrix, if you die in your dram, you die in real life.  My theory about this film is about this film only and does not apply to any sequels, however many there are.

I had a hard time gleaning any information  about Freddy Krueger  from this film.  The explanation from Nancy's mom seemed really quick.  If Freddy kills children, why did he wait until everyone was in high school?

 Here is my theory.  The entire film is Nancy's  dream.  The scenes of reality or dreams are simply various levels of consciousness, including  lucid dreaming near the end.  It's really obvious  when she goes to visit  her friend in jail.  Why else would she be able to see his date at the hands of Freddy and know to go there in the middle of night? Or how did she grab his hat and bring it back to the "real world"?  That's because she didn't,  it's just a dream.  Also, she keeps escaping him but no one else can.  It's apparent that it's the work of one dreamer, not multiple  teenagers doomed to die.  That's why it's called A Nightmare on Elm Street, not Multiple Nightmares by Various People. Anyway, we all enjoyed this film (mainly for all its wonderful 80's special effects), and I will give it a 7/10.

Platoon (1986)

Today's movie is Platoon.  It takes place during the Vietnam war.  The terrain was a lot different in this war than in the first two world wars.  Instead of mountains and farmland fields, there was dense jungle brush and swampland.

The main character, Chris, dropped out of college to volunteer to fight.  He learns that most people there couldn't afford college and were drafted.  They don't value him at first because he hasn't been there long.

There are a lot of stars in this film, and they all were cast outside of their type.  Charlie Sheen plays Chris, who starts out naive and sweet, and that is not like him at all.  The helpful Sgt. Elias is played by Willem Dafoe, who normally plays villains.  Sgt. Barnes who shoots everyone including people on his own side that don't agree with him, is played by Tom Berenger, who usually plays good guys.  John C. Mcginley, who usually plays asshole characters like Dr. Cox, plays Sgt. O'Neill, who is actually a nice person.  This shows that in this film, you can't judge people because they might surprise you.

The film was based on Oliver Stone's experiences during the Vietnam War, and he mainly wrote to counteract what he saw in the Green Berets, feeling that it was false.  I never saw that film so I can't comment on that.

One thing the war does is change Chris.  He starts out hopeful and wanting to help everyone.  He receives the tiniest scratch and believes that he will die.  After seeing his fellow troops massacre innocent civilians and burn down villages, his personality toughens up.  At the end, he is shooting people while covered in blood.  He tells the others that he's fine.  How will this affect him when he goes home?  Will he go back to whatever he was studying in college or do something completely different?  War changes people, and usually not for the better.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)

Today's film is Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior.  I didn't realize it was this old!  I reviewed the first movie, Mad Max, back in 2013, and the review can be found here.  If you missed the first film, the entire plot is summed up in the first three minutes of the second movie.  Max was a state trooper who lost his family.  Also, the world has been dealing with the aftermath of nuclear war, especially the need for gasoline.

If they needed gasoline so badly, why didn't they focus on alternative fuels?  Well, remember that the 70's people were facing a manufactured "oil shortage" and were desperate for gas.  This is just the extreme of that.  Also, it shows their logic.  Max is like, "gas is a scarce resource, better drive a V8". People weren't as environmentally minded as they are now, and we have much better technology (like hybrid and electric cars).

This movie is an awesome punk rock movie.  It was composed by Brian May!!  Also, all the bad guys dress like Oakland Raiders fans.  The good guys dress in lighter colors.  This movie is all punk rock and cars and danger and it's such a fun movie to watch.  I love how the characters are so unique and we don't know much of their back story.  They're all about the now, because the past, the world before the apocalypse, is gone.  I also like the feral child, who is unnamed.  He reminds me of my daughter, who doesn't talk but always gets done what needs to be done.  I will give this film a 8/10.

She's Gotta Have It (1986)

Poetry. Love.  Weird Nipples.  You'll get all of these when you watch today's film, She's Gotta Have It.  This is Spike Lee's first film right out of film school, and that's obvious.

Spike Lee used his friends from film school as well as his family (and himself) as actors in this film. It's about an independent woman named Nola dating three men at the same time, and who is not ready to settle down yet.  She has a great job, beautiful big apartment, and has her life together.  Her three boyfriends are a poet, a narcissist, and a sneakerhead (played by the mousy Lee).  Also, one of her female friends has a crush on her.

One thing I didn't like were the character interviews.  Why were they being interviewed?  Who was filming them? Who was asking the questions?  Was it me?  Am I asking the questions to the characters?  It seems too easy to find out about the other characters and situations by interviewing them.  How did we know the old man was Nola's father?  Because he looked straight at the camera and told us.  How did we know about her ex-roommate and why she left?  Because the ex-roommate looked straight at the camera and told us.   It just seems lazy to me.

I liked how it was about a woman who enjoyed sex without presenting her as gross or immoral.  Women like sex too, we're just not supposed to admit it.  Nola is independent and fierce, and none of her choices of partner are right for her.  She's not going to settle for anyone unless he is truly right for her.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Bull Durham (1988)

Guess what I don't want to do?  Listen to poetry and watch baseball.  Today's film is Bull Durham, which is about poetry and baseball.  This is not going to be a fun time.

The film stars Kevin Costner, who only ever does sports movies, or bad movies, or both.  He plays an intelligent catcher, Crash, who knows a lot about the game, but has little actual talent.  He has been ordered to train a rookie pitcher, Ebby Laloosh, who is a fantastic pitcher but is about as dumb as a hammer.

Naturally Crash is jealous of Ebby's talent and this leads to a lot of fights.  Meanwhile, there is a baseball groupie, Annie, who chooses one player a season to sleep with.  She is a pseudo-intellectual who quotes poetry on a regular basis.  I want to punch her in the face.

I don't understand why Crash doesn't get a coaching or assistant coaching job for baseball.  Those who can't do, teach.  He isn't great at baseball, but knows the game.  So, he should get a coaching job instead of forcing himself to play and being miserable.

Annie chooses Laloosh to sleep with, and give him the nickname, "Nuke".  However, once he starts winning, he refuses to sleep with anyone for superstitious reasons.  This leaves the poetry baseball whore lonely and sad.  For some unknown reason, Crash develops feelings for Annie.  Dude, she's been with an entire baseball team.  I understand about having a past, but an entire baseball team? Have some respect for yourself.  This is an '80s movie that needs to stay there.  I will give this film a 3/10.

Chariots of Fire (1981)

Today's film is Chariots of Fire, which won Best Picture in 1981.  The only things I knew about this were that it had something to do with running, and it has an awesome theme music.  So, I watched this with my runner daughter.  For a film about running, we expected it to be faster.  It is a slow paced movie.

The two runners we follow are Harold Abrahams, a Jewish runner who runs despite prejudice, and Eric Liddell, who runs to honor God.  At first, they meet at college and train to be great runners.  Later, they qualify for the Olympics.

Dunn  dun dun dun dun dun dun

So, now they're in the Olympics.  However, one of Eric's races is on a Sunday and he says he can't run because it's breaking the Sabbath.  I thought that only applied to work and how is running work? It's called the Olympic games not the Olympic work.  Also I thought Christians didn't do that anymore? I thought that was like an 18th century thing.  He has to go before the council and defend himself, and inspires a lot of people.  But that wouldn't work at a real job.

Harold also works hard at his races, even employing a coach to train him.  The council doesn't like this because a professional coach shouldn't train amateurs.  Which is really interesting because all of the Olympic athletes today have coaches.

One of Eric's teammates agrees to switch races with him so he won't have to run on Sunday.  Meanwhile, everyone goes home with gold medals because this is a sports movie and we expect that.  This film was very educational about a niche in history, but had little entertainment value.  I will give it a 5/10.

Sex, Lies and Videotape (1989)

Today's film is Sex, Lies, and Videotape, which sounds exciting until you realize none of the characters have personalities.

Ann, the main character, has no job and no hobbies.  She is cold and refuses to sleep with her own husband.  Her husband John (the dad on the O.C.)  is sleeping with her own sister behind her back.  Her husband's old friend, Graham, comes to town.  Graham has an unusual hobby.

So, Graham has this problem where he can't get it up in front of someone, so he videotapes interviews of a sexual nature with women.  Later, he jacks off while watching the interviews.  He keeps all of these videos next to the tv.  There is a lot of them.  Ann comes over to his house and notices them.

Ann points to the videotapes and asks, "What are these?"

Videotapes obviously.  Graham answers they're his personal project.

"What kind of personal project?"

This isn't 20 questions you dumb bitch.

"Who's Donna? It says Donna on the videotape."

It's probably my mom. She would have been 27 in 1989.

"Donna is a girl I knew in Florida," Graham answers.

Oh fuck it is my mom.

I do not like the idea of a man whacking it to an interview with my mom.

No stop it!

So, we have two people who refuse to have normal intercourse for two different reason.  So, we already know they're going to get together.  Meanwhile, her husband is still seeing his sister-in-law.  The sister-in-law, Cynthia, is a free-spirited sexual being, the opposite of her sister.  I don't respect her for sleeping with her sister's husband, but I took a picture of the screen because her makeup game is totally on point.

I wondered why Graham doesn't sleep with people and resorts to videotapes.  I have two theories.  One is that he has a personality disorder and cannot relate to people. He claims he is a pathological liar as well. Another is that he is a poor performer.  Remember that he dated an Elizabeth before he came to town.  Maybe he is really bad at sex and saves himself embarrassment by not going out with anyone.  It sounds like a lonely life.  Cynthia is the first one to interview with Graham.  It is very erotic as we would expect it.  Later, Ann also interviews with Graham, too.  Her husband finds out about it and gets really angry.

The film ends with the cheating husband getting his comeuppance.  He is fired due to constantly cancelling meetings (to cheat with his sister-in-law during office hours) and Ann leaves him for Graham.  The problem is I don't remember the ending at all.  The film takes place in Baton Rouge and everything about the film is quiet.  There's hardly any music, no liveliness, nothing.  The people and area of Baton Rouge are anything but quiet.  It's erotic, but doesn't hold enough interest to watch again.  I will give it a 5/10.

The Breakfast Club (1985)

Today's film is The Breakfast Club.  It is a great film that can never be remade for this decade.  It's a very nostalgic film.  Five high school students are trapped in a school for Saturday detention.  They are all part of different cliques and at first ignore each other.  But, as the day progresses because they're there for eight hours, they actually start talking to each other and learn more about each other.  Also, the principal watching them is a jerk.

This film could never be remade for today.  First of all, out of the entire high school, there are only 5 people in detention.  In my school, there'd be about 40 people in there and you know it.  Allison wouldn't have been there without reason because she wouldn't have been allowed.  I was a troublemaker and was in detention all the time.

Since Andrew taped a guy's buttcheeks together in the locker room, that would "sexual assault" and he'd be in juvie.  Bryan brought a flare gun which went off in his locker.  Thanks to the Zero Tolerance Law, he'd be expelled from school for one year and probably be in jail as well as counseling for suicide once they found out his true reason for bringing it.  A child in a school near here got expelled for biting a pop-tart into the shape of a gun and playing with it.  A pop-tart.

This film shows what can happen when people let their guard down and get to know one another.  The students learn that they all have similar issues and face pressure from their parents and friends.  They learned that they can find friends in the most unexpected places.

Also, no one has time to talk to each other anymore because they're too busy playing on their phones. 

People today are too easily offended by everything and have no desire to learn about the world outside their social circle.  If it takes more effort than liking on facebook, then it's too much effort.  I don't have a smartphone yet, but a lot of people try and make you feel like you need one.  This movie is a piece of 80's heaven. I'm going to give it a 10/10.

Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

Today's film is Crimes and Misdemeanors.  It is unique in that everyone is a bad person.  I didn't care for a single character in this film.

In this film, Woody Allen's character (Cliff) complains about everything and also cheats on his wife.  Well, that's every Allen film, so what's the difference?  There's another cheater going on too!  This lady, Dolores, is sleeping with a married doctor.  An ophthalmologist, more specifically.  She is under the false notion that he will leave his wife for her.  But, they never do.  She threatens to tell his wife what's going on.  So, Dr. panics and calls his thug brother who kills her!

Also, Cliff is a documentary filmmaker who is having trouble making a film.  Right now, he's making a documentary about Lester, and he's not too happy about it.  But a job is a job.  Rather have a job I don't like than be homeless.  Then, there's more complaining by everyone.  There's a lot of philosophical mumblings, we don't care because everyone is so awful.  I don't even care what happens to these characters.

Remember the film Hannah and her Sisters?  Those characters all sucked too.  Even Allen must have thought so.  He stated that he felt he was "too nice" to them, and wrote Crimes and Misdemeanors as a result.  Well it worked because these characters suck ten times worse than Hannah and her sisters and their boyfriends.  I will give this film a 5/10.

Atlantic City (1980)

Today's film is Atlantic City, which features Susan Sarandon as Sally, a character that I feel bad for.  Sally just tries so hard and nothing goes right for her.  She works in an oyster bar inside a casino hotel while training to be a card dealer.

Everything is going great for Sally until! her loser husband shows up out of nowhere with stolen drugs.  And guess what?  He knocked up her little sister as well.  Wow, what a stand up guy.  Her husband even gets the neighbors involved in his drug deals.  The neighbor who gets involved is Lou, played by Burt Lancaster.  He believes that he is some big time gangster from long ago, but he is all talk.  He also peeps at Sally when she squirts lemons all over herself (to remove fish smell), but you know no one is making her do that in front of a window.

Word gets around that Sally's husband is a drug dealer, so she is fired from dealer school, something that she truly enjoyed.  Now, she is stuck working at the oyster bar and is really upset.  We learn that she was similarly fired from Las Vegas as well because of him.  She left to escape him and his drug dealing ways and yet he still follows her.  He's using her.  Her sister is naive and ditzy, but not really a bad person.  She doesn't wear seatbelts because she doesn't believe in gravity.  After all, it is just a theory.

Her husband gets killed by the mob and we're not really upset about it.  Lou handles all the burial and funeral arrangements for Sally, because he is nice.  Later, he kills two mobsters and finally feels like the real gangster he claims to be.  He admits this to Sally.  Sally takes some of the money from the hit and escapes, presumably to France because she talks about it earlier (and is trying to learn French), while Lou goes back to his old lady friend back in Atlantic City.

I enjoyed this film because the characters were realistic, and even though it is a drama, it is not too dramatic.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Today's film is Full Metal Jacket.  Turns out its more than just my heart that sent me to the hospital, so I've had a ton of tests and I'm on lots of painkillers.  yaaayyy.  I am so high. So excuse my writing.

I really liked the first half of it, the half where the recruits are training to be Marines.  I have heard a lot of stories from friends who went through it, but I've never actually seen anything like it.  I thought the actors playing Joker and Gomer Pyle did a really great job.  Pyle tried so hard, but he is so dumb.  He can't tell his left from his right.  You can tell from when they march he messes up (left right left right) and that Joker has to teach him very carefully how to lace boots.

Even though Pyle tries hard, he ends up messing up every day.  So he finally destroys his main tormentor (the drill instructor) and then kills himself.  But thats not the end of the movie.  It jumps into the future where the war is.  So we see Joker and his friend as a reporter and photographer doing news stuff for the military.

The war is mostly boredom peppered with moments of terror.  We see mostly men throughout the film and the only women we have seen are all prostitutes.  So far.  Joker wears a peace sign button on his vest while his helmet says "Born to Kill".  He is questioned about this, and being the writer-type dude he is, says it has to do with the whole "duality of man" thing.  I'm out of it so the only thing I can think of is pink camo.  Like this sweet ass rug.  It's camo because we like to hunt and be outdoors.  And  its pink because we like girly cute things and twirling around.  Duality of man thing

Joker and his friend, Rafterman join a group as they near an abandoned area.  However, there is a lone sniper there who manages to kill a few people.  They decide to go in there and find the sniper for revenge.  And find out that the sniper is actually a young woman.  It is up to Joker to kill her, but it is obvious that he has never killed anyone before.  But, he does it and the war continues on like normal.  Just another day in the war.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Halloween II (1981)

Is this some sort of joke? I've been trick-or-treated to death.

You don't know what death is.

Today's film is Halloween II.  This is ironic, because I watched this a few days ago.  While at work, I was rushed to the hospital (I have a crappy heart).  The movie takes place in a hospital and I'm in a hospital. Wow.

So, I've seen the first Halloween several times as a child thanks to my mom, but never the second one.  My mom explained that Michael Myers was chasing Laurie because she's his sister, but I never understood how she knew that.  Watching the first one again, it is apparent this is never mentioned.

The film starts off immediately after the first film, where Laurie has knocked out Michael and tells the children to run for help.  Dr. Loomis comes and shoots him 6 times, which doesn't stop him.  Why is Michael Myers unkillable?  Laurie is taken to the hospital to tend to her injuries.

Michael goes to the hospital to hunt down Laurie, first killing all the nurses he sees.  The movie is particularly scary because we perceive hospitals as safe places.  Meanwhile, Dr. Loomis and the police are scouring the town for him.  They think they might have killed him when an officer runs over a masked teenager.  The officer shouldn't have been driving so fast on a residential street in the first place.  They learn that the masked man couldn't have been Michael.  The officer who hits the teen is played by the same actor who plays Michael Myers.

This film ramps up the blood and gore scenes, because the former director inserted gory scenes without the new director, Rick Rosenthal's, permission.  The former director, John Carpenter, wanted it to be more like the other money-making slashers that were so popular at the time.  So this makes the film less suspenseful, and more predictable.  People will do stupid things, and Michael will kill them.  Also, the sheriff doesn't get wind of the murders until he is told by someone else, despite having a radio in his car, and the story already being on the news.

Almost everyone gets killed in the hospital, except Laurie who runs quite well despite a broken ankle.  Also, the paramedic who has a crush on her survives despite being knocked out a few times.  The cops never even consider looking for her or protecting her until the last minute, where they miraculously arrive just in time to save her.

How do we know Laurie is Michael's sister?  A nurse appears out of nowhere, and tells Dr. Loomis about a hidden file that states Laurie is Michael's sister, and she was adopted by another family.  Out of nowhere.  She was supposedly sent by the governor to fetch Dr. Loomis.  Why didn't the governor send a freaking SWAT team to destroy Michael is beyond me.  Also, why was Dr. Loomis, the man who took care of Michael for 15 years, not allowed access to his files?  So many questions.  Also, Michael has a lot more screen time in this film, which actually makes his less scary.  His lack of screen time works in the previous film because of what I like to call the "Jaws Effect".  In Jaws, there is evidence of the shark (the fin, the music, the bodies), but the shark doesn't show in its full glory wreaking shit until the end.  Same way with Michael Myers.  In this film, he leaves the Doyle house and goes merrily on his way to the hospital, killing people who stand in his way.  There's too much of to be a shadowy scary figure.  I'm giving this film a 5/10.

Paris, Texas (1984)

Today's film is Paris, Texas.  A man is found wandering the desert with no memory.  Luckily, he has some contact info on him, and the doctor who finds him contacts his brother.  We learn that his brother, Walt, and sister-in-law, Anne, live in LA and he flies down to meet him.  I recognized his brother immediately as Al from Quantum Leap.  I've never seen him in anything else.

The man, Travis, has been lost for 4 years! I wondered what had happened to him.  Also, his son was left behind at his brother's house.  Now, his son is almost 8 and regards his aunt/uncle as his parents.  Travis gradually remembers everything, but still, why did he leave?

This is what I thought about while watching this.  The doctor asks him if he was in a crash.  He's also terrified of flying in a plane, to the point of having a panic attack and getting kicked off.  Was he in a plane crash? Was that responsible for his memory loss?  No, they're just trying to throw us off.

As Travis and his son get closer, he convinces him to go together and fetch his mother.  This is where we get thrown off a bit.  I mean, he just met his father, and now they're going to leave the state?  The brother wants to keep him, but knows he cannot because he's not the biological father.  Anne tells Travis that the mother has been wiring money at a specific bank, so he starts off there.  Behold! They find her the first day they try!  What are the odds of that??  They follow her to a peep show and Travis visits her a couple times.

One night, Travis tells her a story.  Remember that she can't see him through the mirror.  He tells her about an older man who loved a young woman and they had a child together.  He had to go to work even though he missed her because he had to support them.  He got so jealous of her that he tied a cowbell to her ankle so he could hear her leave.  What an asshole.  She's your wife, not a slave, asshole.  Eventually he left and went to the desert.  So, now we know how he ended up there.  He wasn't in a plane crash.  Nothing bad happened to him.  He's not suffering from PTSD.  He forgot because he wandered into the desert, because he was an asshole.  We also find out it was the wife who abandoned her child on his uncle's doorstep and ran off to work at a peep show.

Travis tells her where to find her child.  She goes to meet him while Travis leaves forever.  So, after wandering the desert accomplishing nothing, he snatches his child from a loving home where the parents own a stable business, and hands him over to his hooker wife, all while abandoning the child just as he's beginning to trust his father.  A++ parenting all around.  I'm giving this talky talky tripe a 5/10.

A Christmas Story (1983)

Today's film is A Christmas Story.  Every year in school we had to read this story, and then we watched the movie before winter break.  Every single year.  I have seen this movie like way too many times.  The teachers would break up the story into bits and we would have to write papers about it.  Watching this film just feels like another assignment to me.

Even though this movie takes place in the 40s, it could have taken place when I was a kid or even today.  Ralphie wants a BB gun even though his mom thinks its a bad idea.  Well, kids are always wanting stupid gifts.  Kids still act the same way they did a long time ago (when they are not buried in their smartphones).  There are still bullies, fighting, and daring your friends to do stupid things.  Ralphie is engrossed in listening to his Little Orphan Annie show and even buys a secret decoder ring to be part of her club.  Guess what movie just came out in the theaters?  Annie!

While in school, the teacher makes them do theme writing, and the theme is "what I want for Christmas".  I find this ironic because I had to do lots of theme writing on this movie.  So he's doing classwork and I'm doing classwork at the same time.  He writes about his BB gun and all its features.  The teacher marks it as C+.  Notice that there are no red marks anywhere on the paper, meaning there are no mistakes, nothing to justify such a low grade.  Maybe the teacher simply didn't like the paper.  Sometimes the teacher bases the grade on her opinion rather than actually grading it.  Sometimes teachers are just bitches.  Fuck you Mrs. Haines.

One thing I really like about this movie is that there's no magic in it.  Every Christmas movie we're forced to watch as kids has to have magic in it.  The gift he wanted the whole time was given to him by his dad, who, by up to this point hadn't appeared to be the most caring person.  He was a stereotypical hardass yet kind of stupid dad we see on too many comedies. It wasn't Santa Claus who gave him his gift, it was his dad.  Even though he couldn't afford a new furnace, he still managed to get his kid the gift he wanted the most. I like the dad and his obsession with his precious sexy leg lamp.  Where did that even come from.  I have to rate this movie pretty high because I was forced to watch it every year and I don't hate it.  So I will rate it a 7/10.

Out of Africa (1985)

Today’s film is Out of Africa.  I watched this film purely for the landscape shots.  I think that the countryside of Africa is absolutely gorgeous.  I would totally move there if not for the malaria and other diseases they have there.

Our main character, Karen, married for title and money, not for love.  Big mistake there.  She moves to Kenya from Denmark with her husband with hopes to start a plantation.  But her husband changes his mind, and his idea for a coffee farm loses them money.  Meanwhile, Karen falls in love with the rogue big-game hunter, Denys, played by Robert Redford. She totally cheats on her husband with him, but it’s okay, because it’s true love.

Meryl Streep did a great job in this movie as Karen, and her character holds the movie together.  Originally, she was not even considered for the part because the director didn't think she was sexy enough.  She got the part because during her meeting with him, she went all out, wearing a push-up bra, low cut shirt, and everything.  You gotta do what you have to the land the big parts.

Much romance and drama happens, and then Denys dies in a plane crash.  So that’s the end.  It would be a typical cheating-on-spouse love story, but what really sells it is the beauty of the surroundings.   I liked how they tried to keep their stuffy European ways even in a wild setting.  Some parts drag on, but it is an overall decent film.  I will give this film a 6/10.