Bin-jip (3-Iron) (2004)

Today's film is 3-Iron, named after the golf club.  I liked it.  It is a quiet film, but you won't really notice the lack of dialogue.

So this guy, Tae-suk is a kind of squatter.  He breaks into people's homes while they are away, and lives in them, traveling from house to house.  But, he's not like the squatters here that trash the place and poop everywhere.  Squatters here are a big problem, usually requiring police intervention to remove.   Tae-suk repays the house owner's "hospitality" by doing repairs and cleaning around each house.

One day he meets a lonely housewife and they "visit" various homes together.  Even though they are together, they don't really speak at all.  Some people may find their silent company endearing, but others may find it frustrating!  Especially for the police officers that question them.  They suspect them in the death of a resident, but it turns out he died of natural causes.

The housewife returns to her home with her husband, but sneaks kisses with Tae-suk under his nose.  Ok now she's just cheating.  So she wants the security and comfort of a husband, but the romance of a wandering boyfriend.  You can't have both.  She needs to be honest and choose one man.  I will give this film a 7/10.

The Earrings of Madame de...(1953)

Today's film is The Earrings of Madame de... .  The main lessons we take from this are don't cheat on your spouse and don't lie either.

Madame de's first name is Louise, and her last name is never revealed.  So we'll just call her Louise.  She's very rich and pretty, but at the same time greedy and selfish and a shopaholic as well looking at her closet.  She's amassed quite a bit of shopping debt so she decides to pawn her earrings.  Everyone at some point in time has had to pawn something to pay off a bill.  The struggle is real.  However, the earrings she chooses were a wedding present from her husband, even though she's not fond of the style.

The whole problem comes from Louise's inability to tell the truth.  Her husband is obviously wealthy, but has no idea of what debt she may owe or why.  Well we know why - she shops too much but he doesn't know that.  It's not like they had online bank receipts back then.  She makes this huge show about losing her earrings at a theatre so much that it makes the news.  But her lie is revealed quite quickly.  Now that her husband has the earrings, he gives them to his mistress who is traveling to Constantinople.

Let's talk about how awful Louise and her husband's relationship really is.  They not only sleep in separate beds, they're straight up sleeping in separate rooms.  He had a mistress, and she's sweet on a hot Italian diplomat named Donati.  And they have no problem constantly lying to one another.

One of the reasons Louise falls for Donati is because he dances with her at every social gathering.  Certain husbands refuse to dance with their wives and it can be frustrating.  We don't care if you "don't have rhythm", if you don't dance with us we'll find someone who will.

Donati purchases the diamond earrings and gives them to Louise, not knowing they were originally hers.  This makes her husband hella mad.

Louise's husband becomes jealous of her love interest and challenges him to a duel.  This isn't fair because he's a general with combat training and a duel isn't going to be a challenge.  So, her husband thinks its okay to have a mistress but his wife can't even look at another man?  Typical men.  He shoots Donati and kills him with one shot.  Meanwhile, Louise tries to stop them but she is too late.  I think the film is very well shot, and the costumes are beautiful.  I will give it an 8/10.

Dr. Zhivago (1965)

This month we are focusing on films from Russia and the post-Soviet counties.  We start this month with Dr. Zhivago.  It has sort of the same plot structure of The English Patient, wherein a love affair during time of war is told through flashback, but there is more excitement in this film.

This movie actually spans quite a but of history.  Of course the flashback starts in the late 1930's, when Stalin already had power, so we get to hear how everything happened.  It begins with Yuri Zhivago's childhood as he moves to turn of the century Moscow.  Then he becomes a doctor and experiences life in first class Russia.  He has a crush on Lara who likes Pasha.

Pasha is involved in peaceful demonstrations against the government.  The country is sharply divided between rich and poor, and they desire equality for everyone.  Which sounds good in theory, the Russians just execute it very terribly.  Pasha's ideas and demure nature change when he is violently attacked by riot police/soldiers during a peaceful demonstration.

Lara marries Pasha.  Even though Yuri is still in love, he settles for Tonya.  During WWI, Lara and Yuri work together and he stays faithful.  During and after the war, the country starts falling apart, and they begin to run out of food and supplies.  Then, the Communists manage to kill the royal family and overthrow the government.  Now everyone can starve equally.

Yuri's family house has been confiscated by the government, so they stay in the cottage. When Tonya becomes pregnant with her second child, Yuri encounters Lara again and this time and this time he does sleep with her.  It is amazing that even when the country is going down the drain and everyone is starving to death, that men will still find time to cheat on their wives.

Yuri acts like everything is normal with his wife.  He rides back through the woods to get to Lara in town, and is kidnapped by  the evil Strelnikov's forces.  They force him to work as a doctor on the front lines.  Oh guess what? Strelnikov is actually Pasha for reals!!  He hasn't even been to see Lara or their daughter, Katya.

The government closes in on Lara and Yuri, for his non-regime-friendly poetry, and her being the wife of a really dangerous person.  However, they refuse all offers of help.  Man you people need to swallow your pride and get the hell out of this country before you get yourselves killed.  Meanwhile, Yuri's family, remember the wife and babies he left behind to shack up with the blonde? Yeah she was smart enough to leave for Paris like six months earlier.  Unfortunately, Yuri will never be able to see them again.

The story of them ends sadly.  Yuri dies of a heart attack in the street, and Lara dies somewhere in one of Stalin's labor camps.  They have a daughter but we don't know what became of her.  The story of their love is told by Yuri's brother, who is sure he has found her.  But without DNA evidence, there is really no way of knowing.  In the end, he sees her carry s balalaika, just like Yuri's mother had.  Did she inherit her musical talent from her? She really could be his daughter!

Overall, yes the movie was long, but it covered a significant part of Russian history.  And yes, it did focus more on romance. If you want to more of the Revolution, read a freakin history book.  I will give this film a 9/10.

The English Patient (1996)

Today's movie is The English Patient, winner of the 1996 best picture award at the Academy Awards.  But come on, we all know what the greatest movie of 1996 is.  Come on and slam and welcome to the jam.

This film is pretty good, it's just way too long.  And there are way too many subplots.  At the heart of it all, it's just a classic story of a wife cheating on her lovely husband with a much hotter guy.

So, we first find the English Patient as he is being carried away from a burning plane.  He's actually Hungarian but that's not important right now.  What's interesting is that we expect him to be some kind of hero, but he's not.  He's a normal person, and even has some bad traits.

The English Patient's real name is Count Almasy, and his nurse is Hana.  I did not even recognize her until she cut her hair!  She is the same lady from Chocolat.  I love that movie.  She doesn't want to transport him any longer, and knows he only has days to live.  So, she moves into an abandoned building with him like a makeshift hospice.  But she didn't check for bombs or booby traps!  Luckily a crew comes in later to handle that.

Through flashbacks, we learn of Count Almasy's story, and it is pretty sad.  Meanwhile, a romance blossoms between Nurse Hana and a handsome bomb removal guy.  The whole movie, from the beginning of Count's romance to his death, covers the entirety of WWII.  So we see a bit a history in a specific place.  I didn't like Count and Katherine's romance, I thought they were overly rich selfish people.  But Hana and the bomb removal guy's romance was more genuine.

The movie was overall okay, but it ended up with too many plotlines and dragged on because of that fact.  I will give it a 6/10.

Wuthering Heights (1939)

Today's film is  Wuthering Heights. It's a romantic drama about the impossibility of true love and how it tears two people apart.  It was filmed in California, and they planted thousands of heather flowers in a field so it would look like England.
 The story is about Cathy, who grew up in a huge house named Wuthering Heights.  Her father brings home an abandoned gypsy boy named Heathcliff to live with them.  Cathy's brother wastes no time telling him what he thinks of him, and they will never be equals.  When their father dies, he won't even allow him to mourn with the rest of the family and turns him out to be a stableboy.
 
It may have been filmed in California,  but it is a very British film.  it focuses on themes of class and love.  Cathy has loved Heathcliff her whole life, but eventually rejects him because he's "beneath" her.  Money and stability are more important than love, so she marries a rich neighbor.  Heathcliff leaves for America and comes back a rich man.  First thing he does is buy Wuthering Heights!  He lets his "brother" live there with him, who can't afford to stay anywhere else now that he's wasted all the time.

Heathcliff may be back, but Cathy's not going to leave her husband for an old flame.  Heathcliff still loves her, and starts dating her sister in law in order to get close to her.  He ends up marrying her sister in law. But he will never love her the same way that he loves Cathy.   Then, Cathy gets sick and dies.  The movie ends with Heathcliff, who is still married by the way, walking outside of Wuthering Heights with the ghost of Cathy.  So I guess they kind of ended up toghter.  I will give this film a 6/10.

She's Gotta Have It (1986)

Poetry. Love.  Weird Nipples.  You'll get all of these when you watch today's film, She's Gotta Have It.  This is Spike Lee's first film right out of film school, and that's obvious.

Spike Lee used his friends from film school as well as his family (and himself) as actors in this film. It's about an independent woman named Nola dating three men at the same time, and who is not ready to settle down yet.  She has a great job, beautiful big apartment, and has her life together.  Her three boyfriends are a poet, a narcissist, and a sneakerhead (played by the mousy Lee).  Also, one of her female friends has a crush on her.

One thing I didn't like were the character interviews.  Why were they being interviewed?  Who was filming them? Who was asking the questions?  Was it me?  Am I asking the questions to the characters?  It seems too easy to find out about the other characters and situations by interviewing them.  How did we know the old man was Nola's father?  Because he looked straight at the camera and told us.  How did we know about her ex-roommate and why she left?  Because the ex-roommate looked straight at the camera and told us.   It just seems lazy to me.

I liked how it was about a woman who enjoyed sex without presenting her as gross or immoral.  Women like sex too, we're just not supposed to admit it.  Nola is independent and fierce, and none of her choices of partner are right for her.  She's not going to settle for anyone unless he is truly right for her.  I will give this film a 6/10.

'I Know Where I'm Going!' (1945)

As the weather gets warmer, more and more tourists come and we are super busy here in Florida. I have been watching some movies though.  Today's film is 'I Know Where I'm Going!' which is a fun easy romantic film.

As with most romantic films, this one is predictable.  Our main character, Joan Webster, wishes for the finer things in life.  She is set to marry a super rich older man and travels north to reach him.  However, a windstorm prevents her from reaching the island where he is staying, and is forced to wait for him on a nearby island.  Meanwhile, she meets Macneil, whose family owns the island.

Oh, so she can't reach her fiance and there just happens to be a hot guy where she's staying?  Yeah this is easy to figure out.  There are so many romantic films that center around an already engaged person falling in love with someone else.  Maybe y'alls relationship should be stronger before you get engaged.  My friends just got married last week and they've been engaged for ten years.  That's a long time.

After a few days, Joan gets too impatient and demands someone take her to the island.  She even pays for passage to convince them to take her.  Macneil joins her because she doesn't understand the danger and that the wind will blow them straight to a giant whirlpool.  Which they get sucked into but pop out at the last second.  Then there's a castle which has no place in the movie with a really lame curse.  What does that have to do with anything.  Also the main characters both have dull personalities so I hope they are happy with each other.  I will give this film a 5/10.

Les parapluies de Cherbourg (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg) (1964)

Today's film is The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. This movie is colorful and beautiful.  I love the jewel tones of Genevieve's house.  What's unique about this movie is that every single bit of dialog is sung, like an opera!

The first exposure I had to this film was while watching Futurama.  Fry's dog waits for 12 years for him to return, which he never does.  The song playing during the final scene is from this film.  If you listen, the music is repeated several times during Genevieve's speaking/singing parts.

The plot is pretty straightforward.  Genevieve loves Guy, but they are both young.  Genevieve lives with her mom and works at her umbrella shop, while Guy has been drafted into military service.  Since there was a war at the time, Guy expects to be gone for two years.  Since this is obviously Genevieve's first love, she is totally devastated.

Two months after Guy's departure, Genevieve discovers that she's pregnant.  Meanwhile, her mom's umbrella shop isn't doing too well.  They're running short on money, and it's probably because her mom, Emery, wears a brand new outfit every single scene.  I think she's spending way too much money, and when forced to sell her jewels to pay off debts, she doesn't want to.  She relents and decides to part with her pearl necklace, which catches the attention of a handsome jewel dealer, Roland.  Later, Roland confesses to Emery that he fell in love with Genevieve at first sight and would like to marry her.  Both of them are afraid to admit that she's pregnant to him.  Roland states that he's going away for business and will return a few months later for her answer.

A few months pass, and Genevieve is getting big! There is no way to hide her pregnancy any longer, and she is worried about what Roland might think.  Guy, the father, knows about the pregnancy and talks about it with her through the mail.  Roland doesn't care that she's pregnant, and wants to raise the baby as his own.  He loves Genevieve no matter what.  Genevieve is impressed and flattered.  She knows the baby needs a safe and secure household, and who knows - Guy could be killed in the war any day now.  Then, what would become of her?  She does what she thinks is right and accepts Roland's proposal so she and her baby can live the life of luxury and never have to resort to selling off possessions just to not lose their house.

Soon, Guy's military service is up!  He happily returns to Cherbourg, but Genevieve is not there.  Where is she?  Her mom has sold the umbrella shop and moved away.  Guy learns from his family that Genevieve married Roland and had her baby.  She didn't even bother telling him herself.  Guy is very depressed.

Later, Guy marries his friend Madeleine out of desperation, knowing he can't have his true love.  He has a son with her. He buys a gas station, like he promised to do with Genevieve.  Years pass, and a rich older Genevieve stops at his gas station with her daughter, Francoise.  Guy has named his son Francois.  She asks him if she wants to see his daughter, and he says no.  He's never seen her before and it would hurt too much.  They both quietly and uneventfully part ways.

Even though every line is sung, this film is more realistic than most romance movies because most people don't end up with their first true love, and they have to make the most of what they do have in life.  I will give this film an 8/10.

From Russia with Love (1963)

Yay! A film based on my favorite book - From Russia with Love!  This is the second Bond film made, both starring Sean Connery.  Bond has such cool stuff. He has a folding rifle, car phone, mini tape recorder, and this book was written in 1957!  Bond is straight up future!

The movie is a bit more convoluted than the book.  Originally, it was simply the Russians who set up Tatiana to meet Bond.  But the filmmakers had to toss SPECTRE into the mix again, rendering the Russians innocent.  So SPECTRE is playing the Russians and the British against each other.

Tatiana is played by Daniela Bianchi, who won Miss Universe in 1960.  Bond in the movies look different from the books, mainly because we have to look at him.  He has black hair, blue eyes, and has scars.  He's not great looking.  Ian Fleming intended him to be a dull person that awesome things happen to.  But in the movies he's different.

 

 

Even though MI6 knows it's a trap, they send Bond to retrieve the Lector (a codebreaking machine) from Tatiana, who has promised it in return for safe passage to England.  Bond meets Kerim Bay while in Turkey, who helps him during his mission.  They decide to travel by train to England.  It would have been smarter and quicker to travel by plane, because Bond flew to Turkey, didn't he?  Well this is what we call a plot device, since traveling on a train will take days, there's more chance of dangerous and exciting things happening.  There'd be no movie if he just flew back!

 

 

Lots of villains try to attack Bond, but fail. There's lots of action, and even a boat chase! Exciting!

 

Remember when I mentioned that Bond dies in this novel? Well he does. He's killed by Klebb, the scary Soviet lady.  In the movie, she's more timid of her boss rather than scary.  She's killed by Tatiana in an effort to prove her loyalty, so Bond doesn't die in the film.

 

Even though the filmmakers made this film more complicated than it needed to be, it was still an enjoyable watch.  I will give it a 6/10.

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

Today's film is Four Weddings and a Funeral.  Hugh Grant always looks so tired in every film he's in.  He needs to take some vitamins.  I liked this film because we get what we are promised.  It says "Four weddings and a funeral" and we get four weddings and a funeral.  This already gets bonus points.

So, Charles is afraid of commitment and not a very good boyfriend, either, as we learn.  He sees Carrie, an American, at a friend's wedding.  A few months go by, and he is invited to another wedding, which is great because the bride and groom fell in love at the previous wedding.  Charles and his roommate Scarlett are perpetually late to everywhere they go, and this includes very important events such as weddings.  It's funny to see them rush around.

Charles encounters Carrie again, and they spend the night together.  But surprise! She's engaged to a rich dude and never told him.  She's not married yet and already cheating on her husband, and Charlie is an unwitting pawn.  She is trouble.  She invites him to her wedding.  Since she is now unavailable, Charles settles for marrying one of his past girlfriends, but Carrie shows up and screws everything up.  Charles leaves his bride at the altar for Carrie, but not before getting punched in the face. 

The funeral in the title was for his close friend, who dies at Carrie's wedding of a heart attack.  You'd think it would be Carrie's husband who would die and free her to marry Charles.  Nope, she divorces her husband.  Since she was cheating on him with Charles, what's going to stop her from cheating on him as well? Oh, and they kiss in the rain.  That is really cliché, but I went to England before and it rained every day. So it might just be the weather. 

If you like Hugh Grant, then you'll like this movie.  He gives a strong performance.  Also, I was pleased to see a character that doesn't speak that can be taken seriously.  My daughter, Azalea, can now somewhat parrot whatever I say, which is funny when we watch Jeopardy! but still cannot form her own words or sentences.  She's great at signing though.  It's rare to see someone who talks like her in a film.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

Today's film is Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.  It stars Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe as Dorothy and Lorelei, two cabaret singers. Dorothy is like crazy hot. Lorelei is a shameless gold digger who is dating a nerdy guy but still exploits other men for jewels, especially diamonds which she loves and sings about.

Lorelei goes on a cruise to France paid for by her boyfriend's father, who disapproves of her, mainly because she is a shameless gold digger. She takes Dorothy with her as her "chaperone", but she's there to ogle hot guys.  Also, this is a musical, but there's not too much singing in it.

I know that feel, Dorothy. God damn.

Lorelei's future father-in-law hires a private investigator to follow her around and prove that she's cheating on her boyfriend.  She does, and she weasels a man, Piggy, into giving his wife's diamond tiara to her.  I don't trust any woman that calls her man "daddy".

Dorothy falls in love with the pi, because he is hot.  But, she gets wise to what he's doing, and steals back the incriminating photos of her friend.  When they get to France, Lorelei's father-in-law stops paying for anything after learning what she's done.  Without any money, they are forced to leave the hotel and get jobs again.  Although without work visas, they could have been deported and gotten their old jobs back where they live.

Piggy's wife and lawyer accuse Lorelei of stealing her diamond tiara, which she technically did.  She blackmailed him into giving it to her, even though it wasn't his to give.  Dorothy does what she can to clear her friend's name and get back with the hot pi.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Marty (1955)

My family got to watch part of the Oscars and it was very enjoyable.  The only film nominated for best picture that I saw was The Grand Budapest Hotel which I watched because I watch everything Wes Anderson makes.  I really want to watch Birdman soon and I think it will be great.  Also, we were sad that Leonard Nimoy passed away, but he had a long life. I hope this gif makes you smile.

Today's film is Marty. It is an enjoyable film about two awkward people trying to find love.  Marty is the oldest of six children and the only single one.  Everyone wonders when he's going to get married.  He's only 34 but I think people got married young back then.  He hangs out with his single friends after work as a butcher.  Marty is always harrassed about why he isn't married yet, and he feels too fat and ugly to attract a woman.  But he's not fat or ugly. He always gets turned down for dates but he goes out to the dance hall anyway to appease his mother.

 

He meets Clara at the dance hall after she is dumped. She's not the prettiest woman, as evidenced by her lack of makeup, but she is really nice and smart. She is a chemistry teacher. He takes her home and later, his mom comes in.  His mom doesn't like Clara because she went to college and doesn't want to pop out a hundred babies to clean after.  Also, she only wants him to marry an Italian girl and tells Marty she doesn't like him.

 

Marty listens to his mom and doesn't call Clara when he's supposed to.  Meanwhile, his aunt moves in as well because she is terrorizing her daughter-in-law and her baby.  He goes out with his friends who can't figure out what to do that night.  They are in a state of boredom and want to find anything to do and that is the same as today.  Marty realizes that everyone around him is unhappy.  His married relatives yell at each other and fight, and his widowed aunt and mother always nag and fight.  The only person who was nice and happy was Clara, whom they don't want anything to do with.  Marty declares that he deserves to be happy and calls Clara to ask for another date.  It doesn't matter if someone isn't the same race or ethnicity as you, as long as they love you.  Marty stopped listening to people bringing him down.  That's a good lesson. Let haters be our motivators.  I will give this film an 8/10.

An Affair to Remember (1957)

Happy Valentine's Day! Today's film is An Affair to Remember.  It's about a couple that are engaged to different people that meet while on a cruise.

Nickie is a celebrity, but what is he famous for?  Basically the same thing the Kardashians are famous for; he's a whore.  He's engaged to a millionaire heiress.  Meanwhile, Terry is a stay-at-home girlfriend of a rich businessman.  They meet while on a cruise.  

It was funny how Nickie kept trying to flirt with her despite already being engaged. He has no shame.  A lot of times he reminded me of George Clooney.  One thing that bothered me is that if Terry is a trophy fiancee and has been for several years, how come she's not wearing an engagement ring?

They hang out on the ship together and people start noticing.  They try to stay away from each other, but they are not fooling anyone, especially the ship's photographer.

One thing that bothered me besides the fact she wore no ring, was that she couldn't lift the little boy on the ship and relied on Nickie to do it.  Later, she asks if he likes kids, indicating that she wants them.  Girl, that child is like 4 years old, and you can't lift him? How do you expect to raise children if you can't carry them? You need to work out.

One thing I thought was weird is that he took her to see his grandmother. He's engaged.  So, he takes another woman that's not his fiancee to meet her.  I wouldn't take random friends to meet my grandma, but then again, she's crazy.  At first, Nickie has to translate for Terry because she can't speak French, but then when grandma plays the piano, Terry reads the song and pronounces every word flawlessly.

As they leave the ship, they want to meet again, but they need to breakup with their partners first. This presents a huge problem.  Neither one of them has done a single day's worth of work in their lives.  They have always lived off their partners.  What should they do for a living? How will they support themselves?  Nickie wants to get a job painting, as that is his talent, and wants to earn money to support them both.  He is really maturing since he met Terry.

 Nickie has the idea of waiting 6 months to see if he can earn a decent living, then meet up with Terry if they want to continue their romance, which is also very mature.  Most movies would have them run off into the sunset without a second thought.  They didn't have Facebook messaging or texting back then, so they have to agree on a place to meet and might not have a chance to contact each other.  They decide to meet at the Empire State Building.

Nickie starts work painting, but doesn't use his real name to sign the paintings.  I thought he should because he would get more money for it.  He paints billboards as well.  He also painted a portrait of his true love without her knowing.

Meanwhile Terry's fiance Ken has figured out she's in love with Nickie and is surprisingly okay with it.  He loves her unconditionally and wants the best for her.  In six months, she goes to the Empire State Building and gets hit by a car because she is not watching the road, so let that be a lesson.  Ken comes and takes care of her, visits her in the hospital, helps her get a job, all while knowing she's in love with someone else.  She misses her meeting with Nickie and refuses to see him until she can walk again.

That is really dumb.  I lost the ability to walk four years ago, and it took surgery and lots of hard work to be able to walk with assistance, and then by myself.  And she thinks it's going to take less than a year?  Also, she knows that Nickie is a Kardashian, what's going to stop him from going to the next pretty face if he believes she's ignoring him?  At least she could talk to him.  If he truly loved her he wouldn't care.

Nickie finds Terry's name in the phone book and pays her a visit and is suprised by her condition. I am surprised by the fact there are stairs leading to the door. How does she get out?  He brings her his grandma's shawl and figures out that she lost her ability to walk because he figured out she was the one who bought his portrait of herself and his grandmother.  He doesn't love her any less because she's disabled, so they live happily ever after.  I will give this film 8/10.

Out of Africa (1985)

Today’s film is Out of Africa.  I watched this film purely for the landscape shots.  I think that the countryside of Africa is absolutely gorgeous.  I would totally move there if not for the malaria and other diseases they have there.

Our main character, Karen, married for title and money, not for love.  Big mistake there.  She moves to Kenya from Denmark with her husband with hopes to start a plantation.  But her husband changes his mind, and his idea for a coffee farm loses them money.  Meanwhile, Karen falls in love with the rogue big-game hunter, Denys, played by Robert Redford. She totally cheats on her husband with him, but it’s okay, because it’s true love.

Meryl Streep did a great job in this movie as Karen, and her character holds the movie together.  Originally, she was not even considered for the part because the director didn't think she was sexy enough.  She got the part because during her meeting with him, she went all out, wearing a push-up bra, low cut shirt, and everything.  You gotta do what you have to the land the big parts.

Much romance and drama happens, and then Denys dies in a plane crash.  So that’s the end.  It would be a typical cheating-on-spouse love story, but what really sells it is the beauty of the surroundings.   I liked how they tried to keep their stuffy European ways even in a wild setting.  Some parts drag on, but it is an overall decent film.  I will give this film a 6/10.

The Man who Laughs (1928)

Today's film is The Man who Laughs. There is so much going on, with so many long names of characters, that I feel like I should read the book before I watch this.  But I'm not.  It's not a horror film, but instead is an underrated example of German Expressionism.  Its moodiness and balance of shadows, along with its hideous star, can easily make someone think it's horror.  It's more of romance than anything.

Gwynplaine was the son of a nobleman who insulted King James II.  His father was killed, while he was permanently disfigured by comprachicos so that his mouth would have a permanent grin - so he could "forever laugh at his fool of a father".  According to Victor Hugo, the author, comprachicos were like surgeons that would mutilate children early in life so they would grow up to be freaks.  Gwynplaine is said to be the inspiration for the Joker.

Gwynplaine, alone, and having no memory of his father, wanders around and finds a baby.  He brings it to a house and begs to come inside.  The man who takes them in is Ursus, a mountebank (later a playwright).  The baby, who is blind, is named Dea, and together they grow up.  Dea grows up to be very beautiful, and she is fond of Gwynplaine.  However, he doesn't feel that he deserves anyone's love or to marry anyone because of his disfigured face.

Someone recognizes the adult Gwynplaine and tells the royal court that he should be a member because of his father.  Lots of royal court drama happens, and Josiana, the duchess who currently holds Gwynplaine's position in court, goes down to see him at work.  Right now Gwynplaine and Dea are putting on a show that Ursus has written.  Everyone laughs at his face, even though he looks terrifying instead of funny, but Josiana likes him.  Still, in the end she is put off by his face.

More royal court drama happens, and Queen Anne (who succeeded King James II's place) orders Josiana to marry Gwynplaine so he could have his spot back.  But, Gwynplaine, realizing that he and Dea belong together, refuses and runs away back to Dea.  However, Ursus and Dea have been banished from the country.  Gwynplaine finds them at their ship in the harbor and sails away with them.  He would rather be poor and be with his true love then live life as a nobleman without her.

Even though a lot of stuff happens, it feels that even more stuff was left out.  Also, some scenes take a while to get to their points.  Still, for a silent film it isn't too over-acted.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Footlight Parade (1933)

Today's film is Footlight Parade.  The first part of this film is completely forgettable.  The only reason this film might be worth seeing is for the final three numbers, in which we actually get to see the musical prologues.  However, to me they didn't work.  In the "Waterfalls" number, how did fit an entire waterfall into a theater??  Then they had an entire pool!  In the last number,  the actors held a sign above their heads, which, if looked above, showed a picture of the flag and then the president.  This is for a movie theater audience, right?  How are they supposed to see that?  It wasn't worth it to me to watch this film, and I have no reason or desire to ever watch it again.  I will give it a 4/10.

Queen Christina (1933)

Today's film is Queen Christina.  We really liked it.  It's not entirely  historically accurate, but it is a good story and is romantic.

Christina's father was the King of Sweden, who was caught up in the constant warring of the day.  He died when she was 6, and she was crowned as an adorable little Queen.  She was given the best education possible, and constantly read to learn more and more.  In real life, she was told to back off studying for a bit because she was wearing herself out.

She grew up to her 20s as a tough, tomboyish queen, always dressing as a man when she went out riding or hunting.  At this age, she was expected to marry, but she wasn't ready for it yet.  Every one wanted her to marry her cousin, Karl, but she was like, yeah no.  Another problem is Magnus, who is in love with her and is a jealous person.

While she was out riding, she comes across the visiting Spanish envoy, whose carriage is stuck in the snow.  She laughs, which is interesting because I thought the tagline for Ninotchka was "Garbo Laughs".  She laughs in this too, apparently, and this movie came first.  Those Spanish people.  Always getting stuck in snow.  She later meets him in a tavern, and with him still believing she's a boy, hangs out for awhile.

How can Antonio believe Christina is a boy if she's obviously wearing lipstick?  Well, she's not.  This is what I think is called, "suspending your disbelief".  Christina lived a long time ago and was a tomboy, so she wouldn't have worn lipstick.  Greta Garbo is wearing lipstick as an actress.  So, Antonio can't see it, but we can.

So, convienently, the only room left is her room, so they have to share.

He asks her, "Aren't you going to get undressed?"  It's in that second that she realizes she has never undressed herself before and isn't sure what to do.  As a queen, she has always had her servant dress/undress her.  So she clumsily fumbles around her clothes and they clatter to the floor.  Finally, Antonio realizes she is a woman.  So they get it on for five days.  As the snow clears, she leaves but promises him that she will see him again.

When Antonio arrives at the castle, he discovers that Christina is the Queen.  Of course Magnus is like totally jealous and turns the peasants to riot against her.  Christina's like "fuck this I'm out" and leaves the throne to travel to Spain with Antonio.  However, Magnus kills him before they leave.  So it's a sad ending, but hopefully Christina will have a better future.  This movie was enjoyable and great.  I will give it a 9/10.  

The Awful Truth (1937)

Hi, I'm back from the hospital with what should hopefully be one of my last surgeries.  I've been relaxing at home for a while now.  However, one of my stitches popped and now I know what death feels like. One the plus side, I taught Azalea how to say "nipple" which is hilarious, because she keeps poking her dad in the chest and saying it, which irritates him to no end.

Today's film is The Awful Truth, a romantic comedy starring Cary Grant.  You already know my opinion on Cary Grant, which is not much.  So let's talk about the film.

Grant plays Jerry, who is married to Lucy, played by Irene Dunn.  After an argument, they decide to divorce.  However, they try to sabotage each other's new relationships and then realize that they do want to stay married after all.  The best way to a happy marriage is to find someone as weird as you are.

I understand that Jerry wants to get back with his ex, but he does it all wrong.  He keeps going to her apartment on the pretense of seeing his dog, who by the way is the same dog from The Thin Man,  but we all know he's going to see her.  If I were divorced, the first thing I would do is change the locks.  And he's there at all hours! Without knocking, just appears out of nowhere because he's "making a drink".  Then when the country boy is flirting with Lucy, he hides behind the door and tickles her to distract her.  Think about that for a minute and realize that that's actually pretty creepy.  He's there all the time.  Lucy never knows when he'll appear again.  Behind a door?  In her room?  Fixing himself a drink?  He could be hiding in the closet right now, watching her through the slats in the door.  

Let's talk about Irene Dunn.  It didn't feel to me like she was acting.  It just felt like she was imitating Katherine Hepburn.  Anyone can do an impression of someone (good or bad).  But, her performance didn't seem genuine.  She could have been legitimately funny if she was just being herself.  But, she was imitating Hepburn's tone, inflection, laugh, poise, everything.  I like Katharine Hepburn, but if I wanted to see her, then I want to see her, not someone imitating her.

Anyway, they get remarried as expected.  This is like the third movie I've seen where Cary Grant's character is divorced and trying to win his wife back.  How many times can they redo this story?  I'm giving this a solid 5/10.

Notorious (1946)

Today's film is Notorious, a romance film disguised as a spy caper.  Ingrid Bergman stars as Alicia, whose father has been put away for being a Nazi.  Devlin, played by Cary Grant, lets her drive drunk around town for a bit before letting her know his real intentions: he is working for a government agency and they want her help spying on some Nazis.  But, they're all the way in Brazil.

Soon, Devlin and Alicia fly to Brazil, but he hasn't told her exactly what the job will entail yet.  Before you know it, Alicia has already fallen in love with Devlin, but with the amount she drinks, anyone would probably look handsome to her.  I was so annoyed with how heavy-handed she laid on the romance.  She spoke in those long, almost breathless tones, "oohhh, Delvin,  you're so hot with your butt-chin!" Makes me want to gag.

But the plot still exists.  The government agency, the OSS, a precusor to the CIA, want Alicia to flirt with a Nazi named Alexander Sebastian, and bonus points because he already had a crush on her at one time.  Alicia is mad about this, but agrees because that's what she came here for.  She does such a good job with the flirting that Sebastian asks her to marry him.  She doesn't want to, but the OSS convinces she has to as part of the mission.  So, that's what we're doing now, marrying off women for the greater good?  If I was Alicia, I'd be like "fuck this" and jetski away.

But, Alicia does marry him and throws a party.  Since she was concerned about a servant's reaction to a wine bottle in an earlier scene, she steals the key to the wine cellar and gives it to Devlin.  After breaking a wine bottle, they are shocked that it contains sand rather than wine.  Devlin scoops some up to take it back to the lab.  Meanwhile, Alicia's husband is still jealous of him and after finding his wine cellar key gone, realizes that Alicia is an American agent.  Sebastian's mother gets the great idea to poison her to make it look like she has an illness.  There's always some wrong or evil about mothers in Hitchcock films.

So, the sand turns out to be uranium ore which surprises everyone.  Brazil has the 6th largest reserve of uranium in the world so I don't find this surprising.  The OSS tells Alicia to find out where it's mined. (um, everywhere?)  She discovers that it's in the Aimores mountains in the town of San Ma (this part gets cut off so we don't hear the rest). It's at this point as well when she realizes she's being poisoned.  All that non-stop booze drinking she does and it's coffee of all things that's making her sick.  Devlin comes to rescue her and she tells him all this.  This bothers me.  San Ma?  San nothing! San is the Spanish word for saint, but we are in Brazil, so it should be São.  I may not know a whole lot, but I do know how to speak English and Portuguese.  (I read a little Spanish, but can't speak much).  If I'm going to do anything constructive today, it's to teach some Portuguese.  For example, Devlin calls someone from the phone in the hotel and asks, "Parle Anglaise?"  The only reason I knew how to spell this is because I keep the closed captioning on.  To say, "Do you speak English?" say, "Você fala inglês?"  Let's break this down:

Vo (like Vogue without the -g sound)-say  fah-lah een-glace (like glacier without the r).  There! Now say it together!  Você fala inglês?  Not hard at all!  We hear English, Spanish and French in this film, in fact the only language never spoken in the whole film is Portuguese, which is the national language!

To top it all off, the film ends abruptly.  Devlin places Alicia into the car to take her to the hospital.  What happens after this?  Do they get married?  What if Alicia is too poisoned and won't make it?  What about all that business with the uranium sand?  Did they think I was just going to forget about that?  Absolutely nothing gets resolved in this film except Devlin succeeds in getting rid of his romantic rival so he can get the girl again.  Which proves this is a romance film above anything else.  I will give this film a 6/10.

Great Expectations (1946)

This weekend I had an all night long horror movie marathon, so I will write about that soon enough.  Today's film is Great Expectations.  I remember watching portions of this in high school while we read the book.  I greatly enjoyed the book, and the film does a fine job of going along with it.  My problem is that if I hadn't read the book, I might not have been as interested in this movie.

I was relating everything I watched with everything I read.  I don't think I would have understood Miss Havisham or what she was trying to do with Estella.  It was difficult to tell that she was wearing a wedding dress.  However, since we read the book in class before, the movie was spoiled for us.  I already knew who Pip's benefactor was, so that knowledge definitely affected how I perceived the movie.

I think that even if someone had not read the book before, they would still enjoy this movie, especially if they enjoy period pieces and Charles Dickens' stories.  The costumes were very nice, the acting was great (especially the child actors) and the action was never too slow.  I will give this film a 7/10.