Stagecoach (1939)

Today's film is Stagecoach.  It's supposed to be one of the first decent Westerns.  There have been a lot of Westerns before and after this movie, and honestly most of them aren't that good.

I actually saw this as more of a road trip movie rather than a Western.  Obviously the setting is in the Wild West and there are cowboys and Indians.  But really, this could have taken place anywhere.  Basically, this random group of people are traveling from one town to another and are taking a stagecoach to get there.  There's two ladies, one of whom has a baby during the voyage, a bunch of guys, and John Wayne is there too.  They are being escorted by soldiers through Apache territory, but for part of the voyage they are on their own.

I think this movie is different from most Westerns because it mainly focuses on the interactions between the travelers.   There is a lot of good acting going on, and there aren't too many of the stereotypes we see in all Westerns.

However, one of the last scenes is them being chased by weapon-wielding Apaches, which adds a lot of excitement to the film.  Most of my in-laws are from the Apache tribe and still live out west,  so it's nice to see my husband's family represented in film.  Oh, wait, they're the bad guys in the film, never mind.  My husband still isn't going to watch it since he's very anti black and white film.  But I would like to know his opinion.

After they, for the most part, safely arrive in town, the focus shifts to John Wayne's character.  The people who had him captured for reward reasons let him get his vengeance and then let him escape with his fiancee.  Oh, so he's all of a sudden a good guy now?  All that effort to keep him and now he's just going to leave? Like that?  Come on. For real yall.  This movie wasn't that bad, so I will give it a 7/10.

Dead Man (1995)

Today's film is Dead Man.  At first, it seems like a normal Western.  But really, it's an art film and it becomes more obvious as the film goes on.

It stars Johnny Depp as William Blake, who is traveling by train to the Wild West to get a job.  But when he gets there, there's no job!  No one in the town welcomes him, and through bad luck, manages to get shot.  He meets a Native American named Nobody who helps him, but lets him know that the bullet is in a position to kill him.

So, Nobody is played by Gary Farmer, who actually is First Nation.  And, this film is entirely in black and white.  But, I'm still not going to tell my husband the truth because it's still funny.  The black and white is actually an important aspect to the film, because they really play with shadows a lot.  I think of old German Expressionism, like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari while I'm watching this.  The pictures in Dead Man were inspired by Ansel Adams, a photographer who did all the pretty landscape shots a long time ago.

There are some elements of a normal Western, like a posse, and gunfights, but soon we get into weird territory.  A lot of the movie is weird.  But we know this is about Blake's journey into the next life. Nobody mistakes Blake for the similarly named poet and this affects how he treats him.  What if he knew he wasn't the same person? I wonder about that.

This was unlike any Western I have ever seen. I will give it a 7/10.

High Noon (1952)

For the past few weeks, I've been watching black and white films.  This makes my husband mad.  I don't expect him to watch everything or even like any film I watch.  Sometimes I don't even like the films I watch.  But he gets so mad he leaves the room.  So I finally asked him why he leaves.

It turns out he doesn't like the fact he has never seen a non-white person on the screen in a black and white film (he's Native American or more accurately First Nation since his tribe's from Canada).  So I told him that the reason this is is because we show up in film (because of the higher contrast between white skin and grey picture). If a non-white person like him was to be filmed in black and white, they'd appear like an unlocked character in a video game.

What my husband might look like
in a black and white film

 
The best part about this is that he totally believes me and is now ranting to anyone who will listen about the injustice of this.  I told him that is why color film was invented and also why there are no old photos of his family.  I suppose one day he will find out the truth but I'm not going to tell him. It is too funny.

Today's film is High Noon, which is obviously a black and white film.  It starts off with a really old guy sheriff marrying a young beautiful Quaker woman, Amy.  Already the believability of this film is gone! Why would someone who opposes gun use and violence marry a Wild West sheriff? Makes no sense.    Also I don't want to see them make out because he is old.  I don't even care if they were dating in real life because I don't want to see it.  

Then, someone that he sent to jail long ago has been released and is returning to town to kill him.  The old sheriff tries to round up a posse but no one cares.  This part is actually realistic.  The bad guy isn't trying to kill me, actually he hasn't done anything wrong to me or my family at all, so why should I care?

We have no idea how the sheriff or Amy met, but even more mysterious - who is Mrs. Ramirez?  We find out that she owns the hotel and stuff, and she hasn't spoken to the sheriff in a year.  Why? Did they used to go out? Who broke it off?  So many questions.  Mrs. Ramirez does the sensible thing and leaves town when the bad guys come.  Amy changes her mind at the last minute and goes back to town to find her husband.  She originally was going to leave him if he stayed to gunfight or whatever so that proves how loyal she is.  He's a sheriff.  He uses guns.  Get over it.  Since no one else will help him, she shoots and kills one of the bad guys because of course that makes sense.

John Wayne called this film un-American, but he was a racist who hated Native Americans so fuck him. I didn't see anything particularly anti-American about this film.  It has some allegory to communism but everything in the 1950's was about communism.  It's a nice film if you like westerns.  I will give this film a 6/10.

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

Today's film is The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.  I liked it because it had a happy ending, but not like you would expect.

In 1925, two Americans, Dobbs and Curtin (who is hot), are jobless and homeless in Mexico.  They meet an old prospector, Howard and decide to go gold-hunting in the wilds of Mexico.  They work really hard and actually find some gold.

One thing I don't understand is why Dobbs was in Mexico if he can't speak Spanish.  I mean, he doesn't understand a single word they say, and they spoke slowly enough where I understood everything.  What was he doing in Mexico then?  No wonder he can't find a job.

When Curtin goes to town to pick up supplies, he is followed by a guy from Texas named Cody.  Dobbs is suspicious that he will take their gold and wants to kill him.  Just then, they are attacked by stereotypical bandidos and the only casualty is the guy they didn't want there in the first place.  From his body they find a letter from his now-widow talking about his quest for riches and their orchard at home.

Howard the doctor prospector

As time goes on, Dobbs becomes more and more paranoid about his gold.  Meanwhile, some villagers arrive and ask Howard to take care of a boy who fell down a well.  He does some sort of ancient cpr and heals him.  Was Howard a doctor before he started prospecting? How did they know to specifically ask him for help over the others?

Dobbs shoots Curtin and leaves him for dead, and takes all of the gold for himself.  Howard the doctor/prospector cleans out his wound and they chase after Dobbs.  Without anyone to protect him, the bandidos catch up to Dobbs and kill him, but are too stupid to realize the shiny sand he's carrying is gold.  They are also too stupid to realize selling branded animals is a bad idea.

Curtin and Howard get their burros back, but find out that all the gold has been carried away by the wind.  Dr. Howard laughs at their predicament.  The mountain gives and the mountain takes away.  He goes back to the village to be the town doctor and live a life of comfort.  He convinces Curtin to visit Cody's widow in time for the fruit harvest.  So, the greedy bad guy who tried to kill them dies, and the bandidos die.  Everyone else lives happily ever after even without any gold.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)

It's fun to watch action movies, but sometimes it's hard to write about them because they contain little to no substance.  Today's film is Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, and it was filmed in Mexico.  It's near nonstop gun violence and holds very little interest for me.

A Mexican rancher wants the head of Alfredo Garcia for impregnating his young daughter and promises a $$ reward.  So everyone is after him.  Problem is, he's already dead.  We follow Bennie, an American living in Mexico, and his girlfriend, Elita as they travel to the graveyard and to the ranch to deliver the decaying head of the dead body.

Every few minutes someone is killed by gunfire.  That's the entire movie, people being shot.  Pretty much every character in this film gets shot and killed.  Except Elita, who gets whacked with a shovel.  Even though it's violent, it's far from exciting.  It's not an action movie, more like a drama with too much violence.  I felt it was boring.  I'm giving it a 4/10.

Home on the Range (2004)

Normally my daughter and I will never say "no" when you ask if we want to watch a Disney animated movie.  But we're going to have to say "no" to this movie.  Today's animated feature is Home on the Range.

The usual cute animal stars are replaced by three cows, one voiced by Roseanne, who travel to catch a cattle rustler for a ransom in order to save their farm.  The cattle rustler uses the profits from the stolen cattle to buy up all the land in Nebraska for some sort of revenge plan that I don't understand.  Also there is a plot twist in the middle that is pointless and doesn't affect the story so don't worry about it.

You know what the best part about Disney movies is?  The memorable songs!  We love singing.  Even my daughter, who cannot speak, will sing the melody of the Disney songs.  This movie has a couple country western songs that we couldn't remember ten minutes after viewing the movie.  They were really bad.

So this was one of the worst animated films we have ever seen.  We cannot recommend it to anyone and anyone involved in its production should be ashamed of themselves.  We will give it a 2/10.

Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)

Today's film is Bad Day at Black Rock.  It is a western as well as a mystery.  One day, a train stops in town for the first time in four years.  A one-armed man gets off and everyone is cold to him and suspicious of his every move.  He says the purpose of his visit is to see Komoko, who lives at Abode Flats.

The silence of the town surrounds the disappearance of Komoko, the only Japanese person in town.  Smith, the unofficial town leader, has intimidated everyone into silence and lies to the one-armed man, Macreedy, that he was placed in an internment camp.  Macreedy knows that something is up because everyone is acting so distant and weird.  Soon, anyone that helps Macreedy is threatened.  The doctor, Doc Velie, offers a car for him to use, but Hector, one of Smith's baddies, comes up and rips the wires out of it.  Macreedy tries to send a telegraph to the state police, but it never gets sent, and is later ripped up by Hector.

Macreedy was a soldier before he came to visit Black Rock.  Komoko's son was also a soldier, and saved his life in combat.  After his son's death, Macreedy has come to give his medal to his father.  Unfortunately because of Pearl Harbor, there is a lot of anti-Japanese feelings in the area.  Smith had leased some farmland to him, certain there was no water there.  However, Komoko was clever and dug a well to get water.  After failing to get into the Marines and being very drunk, Smith and his baddies decided to go scare Komoko.  They set his house on fire and after he ran out, Smith shot him.  He then used his power over the town to scare them into silence.

Doc helps him escape, and they finally notify State Police.  I like how the first part of the movie spends time setting up the mystery, but the last half-hour feels really rushed.  I will give it a 6/10.

The Great Train Robbery (1903)

Today's film is The Great Train Robbery.  It's a western made 110 years ago!

The premise is pretty simple.  A group of men go to rob a train, but first they tie up the telegraph operator in the station.  They shoot a few people, who die by sticking their arms straight up in the air above their heads, then falling over.  They get everything they came for and escape to their hideout in the woods.

Meanwhile, the telegraph operator wakes up and uses his hands to hoist himself onto his chair to send out a message.  Then, he remembers he's supposed to be tied up so he quickly holds his hands behind his back like I wouldn't notice.  A girl helps finish "untying" him so he can go get help.  He does, and a posse chases down the evil gang.  The final scene is the best.  It shows a close up of a cowboy who shoots straight at the screen.  This was one of the first films ever made, so the audience was like, oh that was a nice story, OH NO that guy is shooting at me!! That would have been really scary.  I like how the filmmakers thought: hey let's put in a guy shooting at them, that'll scare them!  They have the same sense of humor I do.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Gunfight at the OK Corral (1957)

I was disappointed in Midnight Cowboy, so I decided to watch an actual western, and I chose Gunfight at the OK Corral.

Here's the plot: It's about the events leading up to a gunfight. At the OK Corral. Got it?

Burt Lancaster was okay as Wyatt Earp. I mean his acting was good, and he's handsome; I just didn't like his character. I loved Michael Douglas' dad as Doc Holliday, who remains a badass gunslinger despite his illness. However, in this movie the word "tuberculosis" is never mentioned. I only know he had it because I watched Tombstone (essentially a well done remake of this movie) when I was little and my dad explained it to me. Thanks Dad. Did you know that in every scene Michael Douglas' dad preplanned all of his coughs to preserve continuity when the film would be edited later? True professional right there.

Doc joins Wyatt and his brothers to take down a gang of cattle rustlers.  We get to meet Wyatt's brothers towards the middle of the film. One of his brothers is Morgan Earp.

Wait a second, that's Bones!!!!!!!  I am so excited to see him! When I first watched Star Trek when I was six, there was an episode where Kirk and Bones go to the OK Corral. I thought it was so stupid to have a western episode in a show about space. But now I finally get it. It's a nod to DeForest Kelley's character in the movie. I'm giving this movie a 6.5/10.

It's a good thing they have a doctor from space in the old west, they're going to need it after this gunfight.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Robert Redford and Paul Newman were great in this movie and in the movie The Sting.  Also, they are very handsome.  I could probably have watched them play two hours of World Championship Poker and been enthralled.

Paul Newman plays Butch Cassidy, the leader of the Hole in the Wall Gang, and Robert Redford plays the Sundance Kid.  They rob trains with dynamite, and then play poker.  One of Butch's gang members challenges him to a knife fight, so he kicks him in the balls and knocks him out.

Then, Butch rides a bicycle with a hot lady, Etta, while the song "Raindrops keep falling on my head" is playing, which is exactly what I expect when I watch a Western.  The funniest part is when they blow up another train but used enough explosive for like 5 trains and there was this epic explosion.

After the robbery, a posse is sent out to follow and capture them.  Butch and the Kid toy with the idea of either joining the Spanish-American War or going to Bolivia. They end up going to Bolivia. First, they go to New York City with Etta, who appears to be their mutual girlfriend. They see the sights, shop, and live like high society.  They hop on a steamship to Bolivia. When they arrive, they realize that it's a craphole. What did they expect?  Butch and Sundance go to rob their first bank and discover they don't understand anyone. Omg, I am dying with laughter.  They didn't bother to learn any Spanish before they went. And besides, they're white people in a South American country in the 19th century.  People are going to notice them and remember them.

 I do have to say one thing about Etta.  It's supposed to be the year 1898, not 1969 (the time it was filmed).  Yet she is wearing smoky eyeshadow and too much eyeliner.  At least try to get the makeup somewhat accurate. She is taking me out of the film.  Also, the bruise on Sundance's face is the exact same shade of smoky eyeshadow. And, the blood on any character is far too orange to be regarded as real blood. The makeup department seriously failed in this movie.

Even though there are some flaws, overall the movie is quite funny with some action, and I will give it a 7/10.