The Revenant (2015)

Today's film is The Revenant.  We finally get to see a film that Leo gets his Oscar for.

Wow!  Let's talk about how beautiful Argentina is.  The real story of Hugh Glass takes place near South Dakota and Canada, but it was too hot during the time of filming.  So they moved it way down south to a similar climate.  Isn't it amazing that the further south you go, it turns into winter? That's crazy.  This film had the most beautiful scenery, and it was 90% natural lit.  They only used artificial lights during campfire scenes.  This makes me really want to go camping down there.  Just gorgeous.


This film is the mostly true story of Hugh Glass, a fur trapper up in the Dakotas.  He was attacked by a bear and left for dead by his group.  They even took several supplies and his gun so he was even worse off.  Through sheer determination, he somehow crawled 200 miles to the nearest fort and survived.  In real life, he was unable to do anything to the people who abandoned him, but in the film he gets his sweet revenge.

Leo really ramped up his acting skills in order to hopefully win an Oscar.  And it paid off.  Much of the time, he was alone in the woods, so he had no one to bounce off of. He couldn't even speak part of the time due to his throat injury.  And we still got to see the struggles he faced.  Amazing.

We don't know how historically accurate this is because, honestly, not much is written about Hugh Glass.  There is no record of any wife or children, but that doesn't mean there were none.  All we really know is what company he worked for, who was in his party, and that he survived a traumatic bear attack.  But his determination to survive against all odds is truly inspiring.  He is a true badass.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Andrei Rublev (1966)

Today's film is Andrei Rublev,  which is about a guy who lived a really long, long time ago in Russia.  We remember him as a an artist who painted icons, or religious artwork.

The film is very long, but it is broken up into chapters that detail different random parts of his life.  Like him being hired to paint icons. He is excited about that.  Then, there is widespread famine. He is not excited about that.  Seems like Russia is always going through some famine in these films.

 A huge portion of the film has nothing to do with Andrei at all. Instead, it's about another man making a huge copper bell.  It shows in great detail how everyone worked together to create it. If only they put that much effort into growing food.  Our friend Andrei is standing round watching them make the bell just like we are.


Overall, the film was pretty good and tells a lot about life back then. I will give it a 8/10.

Ivan Groznyy part two (1958)

So the first Ivan Groznyy came out in 1944 and the second part didn't come out until 1958.  That's a long time to wait for a sequel!

So there's more government problems and more stuff to worry about for Ivan in this film.  We also learn more about his past, that his mother was poisoned by the boyars.  We know this because she shouts poison really loudly.  Thanks for the exposition, Ivan's mom.

Ivan also learns that Big hat lady was responsible for poisoning his beloved wife, and vows revenge.  Big hat lady wants her son to rule as tsar.  Or, since he's a giant man child, she would do most of the actual decision making.

Ivan proves he's a pretty clever guy.  He invites Vladimir, the man-child over to watch a play and drink with him.  Vladimir tells him about certain people wanting his reign to end, so Ivan gives him his crown and lets him play pretend tsar for awhile.  While doing so, an assassin kills him, thinking that he's the real tsar.  His mom comes in joyous that Ivan has been destroyed, only to realize her own son was killed.  Ivan announces that he won't punish the assassin, for he has killed his enemy.  And that's it, it's a really short film.

Ivan does do some talk about his power being derived and strengthened by the people, but we know that was really Stalin talking.  This was less like a silent film than the first, but it still wasn't any better.  I will give it a 5/10.

Ivan Groznyy (Ivan the Terrible) (1944)

When I think of Russia,  I mostly think of hilarious dashcam videos.  But Russia actually has a very rich history.  So today we are going way back in time to the Elizabethan Era to watch Ivan the Terrible.

 This film reminded me a lot of old silent films.  There was use of Shadows to create dramatic effect. Also, the actors' faces and especially their eyes were exaggerated a lot the same way silent film actors do.  Especially that guy who had a crush on I van's wife.  That guy had he best eye game of all.  So we learn from this film that Russia used to be many kingdom until Prince Ivan was crowned Tsar of all Russia, uniting the kingdoms.  This made many people unhappy.

 The worst person was the mother of all prince that we will call Big Hat Lady.  She does not like Ivan and wants her son, a giant man-child, to rule.  She really hates the queen, or tsarina, Anastasia.  The Queen supports her husband, Ivan, in everything he does. 

Most of the film is various battles, where Ivan finds new friends friends and supporters, and loses old allies.  The whole film film is peppered with silent film style overacting.  Big hat lady sees bringing down the queen is the key to the throne, so she poisons her.  Having lost the person he loves the most, and the mother of the his child, Ivan becomes more ruthless.  In real life, they had six children together.  Anastasia was the only person that could hold his cruelty in check, and now there's nothing holding him back. Ivan tortured and killed tons of people, and spread out Russia's boundaries.  It is no surprise that this film was endorsed by Stalin himself. I will give this film a 7/10. I didn't like the sudden ending. It seemed too unfinished to me.

Sayat Nova (Color of Pomegranates) (1968)

So I was on a thread featuring strange and disturbing videos for, uhhh science purposes, and I discovered a music video by Juno Reactor called God is God.  I didn't find it creepy at all like most people did.  In fact I found the images moving and poetic.  I found out that the video was taken from a movie called Sayat Nova (Color of Pomegranates).  I decided to seek out this film and review it.

Today's film is Sayat Nova (Color of Pomegranates), which was filmed in Armenia.  It shows the life of the famous 18th century poet, Sayat Nova.  But, the film isn't told in a traditional narrative, instead the film shows several figurative and imaginative images, almost in a surreal manner.

The characters do not speak, all of the words are narrated by an unseen narrator.  The narration is from actual portions of Sayat Nova's poems, which are mostly romantic in nature.  There's a lot of characters looking deeply at each other, and characters turning their heads very slowly to face the camera.  Some of them stare down the camera and do not lose their gaze.  The slow, abstract nature of the scenes is a lot like a poem rather than a story, which is what the filmmakers wanted.  But, it's not so abstract that it's inaccessible.

Through the film, we see how beautiful the Armenian costumes are.  We watch as Sayat watches the men dye wool, lots of images of intricate rugs, and gaudy ornaments in the monastery.  The same person plays the young Sayat, his lover, and his muse.  We see Sayat's age as he grows up, finds his love of poetry, and later joins a monastery through watching this living poem.  I will rate this film a 7/10.

Le scaphandre et le papillon (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) (2007)

Today's film is Le scaphandre et le papillon (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly).  At first I wondered what a diving bell had anything to do with a butterfly.  Butterflies don't go underwater.  But as I watched the film, I saw that it was a metaphor a man had created for his body and his life.  An extraordinary event changed him forever and trapped him.

Jean-Dominique Bauby (Jean-Do to his friends) was once a promising editor at the glitzy fashion magazine Elle, based in France.  For some unknown reason, he suffered a stroke at the young age of 43 which attacked the function of his brain stem.  The doctors described it as locked-in syndrome and told him it was a very rare occurrence which trapped him inside his own body.  Jean-Do no longer had function of any part of his body.  He couldn't walk, move his arms, turn his head, nothing.  The first part of the film is shown through Jean-Do's point of view, as he discovers what is going on.  He is sad to learn he can no longer talk.  His brain functions work perfectly fine, as he can still think.  So even though he is awake and completely aware of what is going on around him, he really can't interact with the world.

Jean-Do's super hot speech therapist, Henriette, teaches him how to communicate using the only control he has: blinking his left eye.  The doctor had to sew up his right eye because he couldn't blink.  If he didn't, then it would dry up and get infected.  Henriette tells Jean-Do to try to tell her something.  She uses a series of letters, and he blinks when he hears the letter he wants, spelling out his words. He spells out "I want to Die".  Henriette is shocked and insulted because she is trying to help him, but I can't blame him.  He can't move or anything.  Poor guy can't even use the bathroom.  He's not really living, he's being kept alive by other people and artificial means.  He's moved around by people everywhere, in the pool, in a wheelchair, all to prevent bedsores and exercise him, and he's fed by a feeding tube.

I wonder if he would have benefited by learning Morse code with his blinking eye.

After a while, Jean-Dodecides to write a book about his plight.  He originally wanted to write a book based on The Count of Monte Cristo, that book we were forced to read in high school.  But he wants to tell his own story.  He feels he is trapped in his own body, like a big diving bell, unable to move himself and just floating along down in the ocean.  But, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, his spirit breaks free from his useless body and he finds happiness.   He called his book The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

There are so many beautiful moments in this movie as Jean-Do basically lives in his imagination.  Ten days after the book was published, Jean-Do passed on from pneumonia.  He was never able to break free from his body in real life.  I found this film to be inspiring and powerfully sad.  Nobody deserves a fate like Jean-Do, to see the world pass him by and not be allowed to join in.  I will give this film a 9 out of 10.

Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (1985)

Today's film is Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters.  Who is Mishima?  That's what I was wondering when I picked up this movie.  Yukio Mishima is the pen name of Kimitake Hiraoka.  He was a famous writer, director, actor and bodybuilder.  He had a very full and active life.  I never read any novels he wrote, so I have no opinion of them.  This is my opinion of the film only.

The film is loosely split up into 4 chapters of his life.  It alternates between black and white and color.  The black and white parts are the most accurate and realistic parts, whereas the color parts are more fantasy and are parallel events with the stories in his novels.  The color parts have minimalist sets.  The movie shows nothing about his children and little of his wife, but it does show him visiting gay bars, which he did, but it upset his wife who disapproved of this part of the film.

Mishima didn't go into the army, but was obsessed with restoring power to the Emperor.  He, along with three assistants, held a general hostage while he gave a speech to a group of soldiers.  He had hoped to inspire them to join him on his mission, but instead he just annoyed them.  No one went along with his plan, so he committed seppuku, or ritual suicide.  Some people believed that he knew he would be unsuccessful and just wanted an excuse to do an honorable suicide.  I didn't know what to expect from this film, but it was well done.  I will give it a 7/10.

Raging Bull (1980)

Today's film is Raging Bull.  I did not know it was a true story until I watched it.  I was curious so I did some research.  It turns out that all the fights were pretty accurate.  The parts of the film I really liked were the cinematography and the sound.  The shadows and angles of the black and white film were very effective.  It did give it sort of a nostalgic feel since the movie takes place in the 1940s and 50s.

 

I did not like any of the characters in this film.  I thought the main three characters: Jake, his brother Joey, and wife Vickie all did exceptional jobs acting.  Joe Pesci as Joey did a great job because I have seen him in lots of films but he was really giving it his all during this one.

 

It doesn't matter how many fights Jake won, I have no respect for him.  He has a severe anger and jealousy problem and he takes it out on anyone he can.  He also makes out with underage girls and then beats his wife because he thinks she's cheating on him.  In reality he's cheating on her but it's all mixed up in his mind.  He doesn't feel that he's at fault.  Even when he is arrested for endangering an underage girl, he still maintains his innocence.  All he cares about is his weight and he doesn't ever eat anything healthy and hardly works out.  Just watches tv on a cheap antenna set that barely works and then goes out drinking.  Robert Deniro actually put on 60 pounds in order to play the older, fatter Jake.  That is dedication.  Jake is just a fatass wife-beater.

It took her a long time to do it, but Vickie finally left Jake.  I was happy, yet he still bothered her sometimes.  One thing I liked was the make-up jobs of everyone.  Even though it was black and white, the bruises and injuries of the characters looked realistic.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Amadeus (1984)

Next up on my queue is Amadeus.  This was actually a relaxing film to watch!  Even though I know nothing about classical music or opera, this film was still accessible to me.  It is mainly a film about jealously.

Antonio Salieri came from a humble family that didn't care much for music.  He worked very hard and eventually became court composer for the king.

Mozart was a child prodigy that could play the piano and violin and a very young age.  He wrote symphonies before he was 10 years old.  He had an amazing inborn talent for music.  He could hear a song once and play it perfectly.  But, like many child stars, he was a spoiled brat.

Salieri is insanely jealous of Mozart and vows to destroy him.  He also blames God for all his problems.  Mozart is very good at writing music, but has no idea how to make or budget money.  In the end

I loved the costumes.  I thought they were glamorous.  My favorite part was Mozart's apartment.  It was so gorgeous.  It was elegant yet simple.  I really wish I could live there.

After watching this, I looked some facts up and it turns out this movie is not very historically accurate.  But that doesn't matter.  Even though I don't know anything about opera, this movie was quite appealing to me.  I thought Tom Hulce, who played Mozart, did an excellent job.  Even though I was relaxing, there was plenty of drama to go around.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Citizen Kane (1941)

Today's film is Citizen Kane.  It is widely regarded as one of the best films ever.  So I was skeptical of a film that requires such high expectations.  However, this film is indeed fantastic.

I already had the ending spoiled by Family Guy, so I decided to watch it first just to enjoy the film, and second to look for clues that would reveal the ending.

Even though the film shows Charles Kane as a great man, in reality he's a sad person.  That's why the sled is so important.  It represents his childhood being taken away from him.  He even attacks Mr. Thatcher with the sled.  His mom didn't help things either.  Look how cold she is.  It's obvious that she wanted to get rid of him at the first opportunity.  When Mr. Thatcher comes to pick him up, she tells him that she's had his things packed for a week.  His dad wants to raise him, but doesn't try very hard.

Kane doesn't want money, he wants his childhood back.  He says if he didn't have money, he could have been a great man.  He wrote that he was not interested in oil or gold mines, but that it might be fun to run a newspaper.

If he wanted his childhood back so badly, why didn't he build his home in Colorado?  He built his Xanadu palace in Florida.  That's the worst place for sledding. There's no steep hills or snow here.  He should have built his palace in Colorado, and go sledding all the time.  He had the money to do so, except he just kept buying and buying stuff he didn't need.  People gain hoarding tendencies when they are trying to fill a void.  He was taken away from his parents to be raised by a bank and later had two unfulfilling marriages.  So he filled the void in his lonely heart with lots and lots of stuff.

Everyone praised Kane for being such a great person, a business man who turned a failing newspaper into a great empire.  But, hardly anyone knew him as a person and I don't think he allowed anyone to get too close to him.  Even with his wives there was always a wall there, or he buried himself in his work.

The best part was the making of this movie.  Orson Welles co-wrote, directed and starred in this film, and it was his first major film.  And he was only 25 years old!  To show the passing of time, everyone wore makeup to look much younger in some scenes and older in others.  The old people makeup left much to be desired, but it's still good for 1941.  And the lighting is perfect.  I love how it produces all the different shades of grey and always provides much visual interest.  The story is okay, but it's the cinematography that's beautiful.  It almost seems effortless.  I will give this film a 10/10.

The Intouchables (2011)

Today's film is The Intouchables.  It is a wonderful film starring François Cluzet as Philippe and Omar Sy as Driss.

Philippe is a very rich aristocrat with a tragic backstory who is hiring a new caretaker.  The impatient Driss rudely cuts in line and asks him to sign a document proving he applied for a job so he can continue to get unemployment benefits.  But Philippe can't sign it; he's quadriplegic   He offers him a one month trial period to get work experience.

Driss surprisingly does show up the next day.  He has a lot to learn as a caretaker.  At first, it's difficult for him as he doesn't care for anyone but himself.  But he gets a lot better.  He shares a joint with Philippe to ease his pain, which causes him to be chatty and reveal his backstory.  After his wife's death from illness, Philippe went paragliding in bad weather, causing him to injure his spine.

Still, they are very different people.  Driss did not enjoy watching a German opera for four hours, and all the classical music reminds him of Looney Tunes.  Instead, he shows off by playing Kool and the Gang and Earth, Wind, and Fire.  He also had no desire driving that ugly handicapped van.  Instead, he chauffeurs Philippe around in his Maserati. 

Even though Driss has the chance to leave and return to cashing in on his benefits, he realizes he was happier with Philippe.  Also, none of the other caretaker candidates were nearly as good as him.  Philippe doesn't want a nurse to pity him.  Driss is not a nurse, he's just a regular guy.  Sometimes he hands the phone, forgetting that he can't grab it.  But, by this time he has done really well as his caretaker.

I really enjoyed this film.  As a true story, even though parts were sad, the overall film was very funny.  It is worth it to see the chemistry between the two stars.  I will give this film an 9/10.

Grizzly Man (2005)

I have to tell you about this amazing documentary I watched. It's called Grizzly Man and it's the true story of Timothy Treadwell and his love of grizzly bears.  He seems to equate the bears with the cuddly teddy bears of his childhood.  However, real grizzly bears are highly dangerous carnivores that will not hesitate to eat a human being. 

The Grizzly Bear should be respected for its strength and ferocity.  It should never be a pet or domesticated in any way.  It should never be forced to perform tricks in a circus.  It should never be attacked and milked for its bile on a farm.  The bear belongs in its natural habitat in the wild of Alaska where it can be free to run and hunt. 

A few months out of the year, Timothy goes to live in Alaska with these carnivores.  The people interviewed in this film all think he is crazy for going up there year after year. Eventually, he's going to get eaten by a bear.

Guess what happens. He gets eaten by a bear.  One year, he is staying in his usual spot in Alaska in a tent with his girlfriend.  The video camera's microphone just happens to be on during the incident.  So there is audio, not video, recording of what happened.  The audio is never played during the documentary as to respect their families.  Of course, I was curious and looked up the original police report and found the audio files. What I heard was the horrific screams of a man and woman clearly being attacked by a bear. 

What makes this documentary great is that it provides a glimpse into the life of a person who loved nature and wanted to share his passion with others. He often taught classes at elementary schools and shared the same childlike wonder of animals and the natural world as the young students did.  He just was not responsible for his enthusiasm and misjudged the ferocity of the wild bears.  I give this documentary an 8/10.

Thirty Two Short Films about Glenn Gould (1993)

Before I watched this, I had no idea who Glenn Gould was.  Now I know that he was a concert pianist that inexplicably gave up performing live when he turned 32.  So instead of presenting a full-length narrative film of his life, the filmmakers decided to show us 32 scenes that give us small glimpses into his life and personality.  Evidently he is an eccentric man who speaks in circles with unnecessarily large words to make him sound more intelligent than he really is.  He seems rather insecure to me; or maybe he just has some autistic or antisocial tendencies, which his obsession with classical music and radio, his manner of speaking and interacting with other people (he insists on interviewing by phone) help lead me to this conclusion.

Most of the scenes are him  listening to music. I don't know if it is actual recordings of him playing or not.  He seems to be thoroughly enjoying the music and deriving a deep emotional response to the music, and good for him.  I do not see how anyone can feel such emotion from listening to music.  I don't feel anything at all. It's just a piano playing. I don't get it.

"Boo hoo hoo, I have such an easy job just sitting on my ass playing piano all day and I get to travel the world, but I'm having an existential crisis and need to quit."  You know what, Fuck you for being self-absorbed and for making me listen to classical piano music for an hour and a half.  The ability to play an instrument does not make you smarter or better than anyone else in the world. I give this movie 5/10.

The King's Speech (2010)

I loved everything about this movie. The cinematography, the acting, the true nature of the story, and the wonderful chemistry between the two stars.

Lionel Logue is a speech therapist. He has a job to do and wastes no time on formalities.  So when the King of England shows up at his office needing help, he's not going to bow or say 'your highness' or anything, he's going to get to work. However King George VI, or Bertie, never really expected to be king. He has a speech impediment and stammers something awful whenever he makes a speech. How is anyone supposed to take him seriously as a leader?

Bertie had hoped his brother would become king instead, but he abdicated the throne for his true love.  So now Bertie is definitely going to be king.  So he really needs Lionel's help in order to speak properly.  Lionel has some rather unorthodox methods, and there is a lot of tension in the beginning stemming from their differences in status.

But soon they become best friends and through hard work, Bertie carefully works through his stammer to make important speeches during the war.  Every time he made a speech, Lionel was right there with him. Film gets a 10/10.

Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

The turkeys are out wandering the fields near my home, performing their dances for spring. It is time to hunt, and a time to sing a traditional Southern song:

Turkey Hunting 101

Shoot that bird trying to get him some

pump his head full of lead

Turkey Hunting 101

Why hunt turkeys? Because they make for a delicious sandwich? But, what if you were hunting something else? What if you were hunting ... people?! This is the story of Henry.

The most remarkable aspect of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer as compared to other horror films of the 70's and 80's is the title character's normality. Henry isn't a mask-wearing monster or a supernatural demon waiting to strike you in the darkness. He's a normal human being (with obvious mental and personality defects) and if he was walking down the street in broad daylight you could not tell him from anyone else.

Henry isn't the greatest movie, film-wise. It's obviously got a cheaper, more late night tv-movie type feel, which does provide a more realistic feel to it. Especially when Henry and Otis procure a video camera and film their murders. So there is a feeling that, yes, this happened in the 80's, and this is real. A lot of the murders are not shown at all. We hear the screams of the victim and are shown an image of their dead, mangled body.

And then there's the tragic heroine, Becky, who tries to change him for the better with her love. Henry does show signs of caring when he protects her from her brother Otis' attack. Becky goes away with him afterward because she loves him. She does not realize that no amount of love or fairytale magic will cure Henry of his severe psychological problems. She suffers the same fate that we all expect her to. Film gets a 6/10.