Thursday, February 20, 2014

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)

Hi! My co-film critic and I have had so much fun cheering during the Olympics.  Our favorite event is the women's bobsled.  It is so exciting.  However, it's already reaching 85 F here so watching people compete in snow feels odd.
We watched a musical together, so today's film will be Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  It is a strange mixture of disturbing and fun.  A mountain man named Adam has six brothers, and they all look alike.  He goes down from the mountain one day to pick up supplies and find a wife.  He finds Milly serving food to rough men in a bar.  She instantly falls in love with him for reasons unknown and they are married by the pastor a few minutes later. 
She rides with him up into the mountains.  There, she meets his brothers, whom she did not know existed before.  Shouldn't living with six grown men in a small cabin something he might want to mention to his wife beforehand?  He introduces them to her.  His brothers are: Benjamin, Caleb, Daniel, Ephraim, Frank, and Gideon.  Frank is short for Frankincense because according to them, there are no F names in the Bible.  Actually that's not true.  There are F names in the New Testament.  She is so mad at him that she won't allow him to sleep in the same room with her.  He goes out to sleep in a nearby tree, and later she does invite him in.

Milly soon figures out that she was brought home only to cook and clean and look after the men.  Now, since this musical isn't Snow White and the Seven Uncouth Redheads, she convinces them to look for wives as well.  She sings a song about going courtin' (all the songs sound alike by the way).  However, Adam reads a story about the Romans kidnapping the Sabine women and thinks this is a great idea.  So, all the men go into town and kidnap the women.  In sacks.  And carry them off in their wagon.  The men of the village chase after them, but are stopped by a massive avalanche which also cuts off the cabin from civilization.  Through the long months of winter, Stockholm Syndrome sets in, and by spring, each woman has fallen in love with one of the brothers.  Then more singing and dancing. Gag.

After the spring thaw, the men of the village come for the stolen women, but the women won't leave.  On top of this, Milly has had a baby girl, whom all the women claim as their own so the fathers will force the six brothers to marry them.  So we get six more weddings.  They're going to need to build a bigger cabin.  So if you like musicals and movies about committing felonies, then you will love this one because it's both.  Other than that I can't see any reason to watch this.  I will give it a 5/10.

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